one day at the rock the world

             I went to the rock the world gig the other day. Packed with people, I felt really tired as I was quite sick. Drizzling almost the whole way, so, the ground was muddy which means our shoes were not in a good shape. The crowd was mostly malay, but, it was different types of malays all together in one place, it was rather interesting to see people being enthusiastic and energetic towards the local music. Through out the day, we tried to cling ourselves together, but, unfortunately, when everyone was moshing in the middle, my friend fafa's phone and pouch dropped,so,there was no way we could pick it up. Imagine having a stampede, the chance of you getting hurt while taking the thing would almost kill you. Getting molested by people and not knowing which guy did it, but, there was nothing you can do about it. Gig's are suppose to be women friendly,but, I guess everyone has their own perception of things.

              

              While I was still in the mosh struggling, I saw this one good looking guy. He looked at me and asked me why. I shook my head which means nothing, later, he looked at me for the second time and asked me again why. I said a friend lost her phone. He grabbed (hugged) me trying to save me from the hostility and at the same time he was pushing other people so that I would not get hurt. I kept looking at him as though he was jesus, he kept telling me that he's going to save me and since the performance was loud he said " I am going to bring you back further so you wont get hurt" to my ear rather softly but loud enough for me to hear. My heart just stopped and I was taken aback by everything. My friends were no where to be seen, he was searching for my friends too for me. I could tell that he loved the band performing,as he memorized words and singing along and I could also tell that he wanted to join the havoc,but, I was in the way. I did not want to spoil his day, so, after awhile, I told him I had to go because my friends were waiting for me outside. I wish I hadn't left. He was alone, and I did not know he was. I introduced myself and asked him for his name. Name was Abu and I just left. I saw him for the second time to say thank you,but, that was just it. He was nowhere to be seen later. 

        Fafa got her pouch back, after her name was being announced. Her phone was also nowhere to be seen. All and all, I had quite a blast, I know Fafa had a good time even though she lost her phone. We are both getting a job, which is called Synchro Psycho, they wanted girls, so, I think this would be a good stepping stone for us. 

My view on snow white and the 7 midgets

                  I have not been writing as I was busy bickering with my ex and doing things such as failing my "undang" car license. Also, a friend from Sabah came back to KL and is sleeping here,I am very glad that I have company. I think somehow, I lost something really huge and I am gaining things as well,so that I do not feel as depressed because I don't. Why should I? Enough about "him" there is no time to regret or whatsoever. My mom told me I should not have any feelings of revenge. I should just let him be, he would come to his senses. So, I shall say,good bye to him as I shall not be in any contact with him. I gave you so many chances,but, you closed your eyes like a blind man crossing the road. I had a dream afew days ago,before all of these things happen. A dream that my ex is marrying his gf and fafa said I kept saying no! no! takleh! hahaha... in my dream he ignored me, like he doesnt in reality and his mom told him straight into my face when he finally talked to me. His mom said "bukan along dah serious ke dengan lagi satu tu" I cried in my dreams. Wailing like a blubber, the same goes to the reality. I guess my dream is somehow true. Everything now is as though its haunting me. I hate everything that is going on,but, I think, I have to make an end of this. After the dream, I had my fever and called him, so, that I can say that its finally over. It was a bad move because his gf picked the phone up. Well, I started to crumble again because I lost. He wins! yeah! arent you going to celebrate Mr? Congratulations! She suites you (i have my own reasons why I said that) *evil smile*. I couldn't let my self sit at home,so, I went to KLCC on the way back, I saw his call and at the same time a guy looked exactly like him siting next to me. His nose, his eyes his dressing and also his smell. I felt like bashing the guy up,but, he is a stranger. 

            Anyway,I was talking to a friend about disney movie fairy tales such as snow white and the seven dwarfs and suddenly, something came into my mind. Snow white is the fairest of them all, and she is always very jolly,gay and happy apart from that,, she is a princess a beautiful princess. Now, she was suppose to be murdered,but, the person who was suppose to murder her does not have the heart to kill her. So, she ended up in the woods. Having animals to protect her, she saw a small house,which, she thought that it was a house full of children. She knocked 2 times and assumed that no one was home and went straight in. Now, I don't know about you, but, I think there is already something wrong here. Teaching kids just to go into someone's house and tidying things up inside. Some people might not like that, and the house is full of men. 7 dwarf men. She is the only gorgeous looking lady. When the men found her asleep on the bed, wont they feel angry? wont they feel like screwing snow white? I mean she is the fairest of them all and the men have not had any sex. In reality, ofcourse they wont show it in disney,but, by logic, I think that snow white would have been raped by the 7 dwarfs. Maybe black mailed because she did not have any place to stay, so, she is forced to sleep with them and also at the same time she is forced to do house work and cook for them. This is only my point of view, please do not get angry with me disney fans. I am just saying the logic of it all. Like I said, we can't teach kids to barge in to someone's house. I think if I were snow white, Id rather let the animals protect me than sleeping into the dwarfs house. 

trying to be more of a narcissist

               I am feeling rather different today, I think I just realized that I might have a crush on a person. Which is a really good sign because I have not been having any sort of feelings since the last break up. It is a good progress,for me that is. Although I hope the person likes me too,no, I do not want to have anything serious (yet) from the last break up, I think I may be abit of a commitment phob(I said I may). Oh well, atleast I know I am capable of liking someone. This calls for a celebration, a myself celebration! Alright, I may not have phone calls to look forward too or may not have friends who really care,but i do care for them and I actually have gained abit of confidence lately, that, I have to admit. It is time for the wake up little girl everyone is not who they might seem they are. Even I have secrets of my own, dark or bright it is still secret.

                I went to one utama with my sister and cousin today. I was actually hoping that I would get my bonus money back by the girl who has been owing me money since a decade ago. Yeah! That long to pay back my money,but, unfortunately, I was being rather too nice by giving her an extension to next week (abit of the old me,just a drop). Why? Because I can't be mean even if I try. I would end up feeling sorry later on, that is the nature of Intan Nabila. I hate it! That would slip as time goes, I think, because I would not want to be mean to my family or friends that actually really care about me. Seriously, it is quite hard to find genuine hearted people as age passes by. Someone ones told me (a friend) that it is pointless to love someone else if you do not love yourself. I think I am just trying to do that now, love myself. Just try,  real hard to ignore the fact that anybody else thinks that I am mostly random,deep,complicated,wild,less attractive and some mak cik (aunties) saying things like "Bila nampak gemuk" or "Bila! you look like you've gained alot of weight" things like that. It makes twitch, so, I would slowly try to blank myself out. 

            I played bowling with my sister and cousin. Suddenly, images of the past came through my head. I slapped myself and both of my sister and cousin thought I was crazy. Well, not that it is not true, I mean, I do take two best friends before I go to sleep (they're not actually people). I personally don't believe in bestfriends anymore. I had afew but all of them end up being some place else in the end. I am scared to find out what I would be like in the future.

distinctive story about what happened and KL

             Right now, I would type out some of the stuff that I did today or maybe yesterday because, it is 3.00 am,yeah, I sleep pretty late all the time. It is a bad habit but,hey, the things that I really like to do or things that I am a fan of consist of things that are sinful,immoral,obscene and also quite corrupt.No, I do not do it all the time,but, only if I think I would want to have abit of an experience in life or when I want something that is convivial to spice things up in my life. I assume (which someone I know hates the most about me,assumption) that alot of people do the same things as I,but, I can assure you that I am not that bad. I am just being a 19 year old who is spoilt as I have alot of things to be grateful of and which I can't really see until something else is gone either than my love life (which is not that important,knocks on wood).

             I woke up ,as usual late, and I decided to see a friend which turns up later on, to be different kinds of friends in KL. After all that talk about KL in my last entry, I thought what I said was kind of true. To my surprise when I arrived in KL Sentral, people were actually giving way at the escalator, meaning, they stood on the left side of the escalator and people who are rushing can go down on the other side. It is quite an improvement, I think Malaysians can be civilized,but, I am not quite sure how yet. While I was walking alone, I saw this rather good looking gentleteenman who is about my age (I think), he was staring at me smiling, for the first time I thought to myself, someone good looking actually notices me,so, I smiled back at him. It turns out that, he was not smiling at me, he was actually smiling at the advertisement behind me...yeah, I know...oh! what a turn off. Well, at least I felt pretty for afew seconds today after that, I felt fugly again, a twitch of confidence doesn't hurt does it.

         When I got back home, my family was reuniting, it was really fun. My dad for the first time, was looking through my mom's facebook (we all did), no, we were not being nosy,but, we were looking through cousins our cousins profile etc. We discussed on alot of things in the living room and continued being infront of the computer as my dad wanted to look if there is a page about his old school VI and again another surprise for me (not to others) VI was in wikipedia. We than carried on to our family photos, which is posted by my uncle and again my sister started bragging about us being hairy. We have discovered that none of my grandparents from my mom's side is hairy,but only one person which is my father's father has the dominant gene. Which is all of these above :

      

   1. Hairy

   2. bad eye site = spectacles

   3. back acne problem

   4. really bad tamper/tantrum

   5. to have an obsession about the past meaning we can't let things go

All of these above is in my cousins on my dad side,sadly, all of us have those things above. We have what we call a family history joke. Afew years ago, during raya, as usual most of the families would gather and after much talking, a mosquito or maybe it was a fly got stuck into my cousins hairy arms,I am not going to tell you his name,but, it is true and I was just trying to tell you how hairy our family is, you might find it disgusting, but, its in our gene and we (cousins,sisters and I) can't do anything about it at all. Except to get a laser surgery to get our eyes and hairs off, about the tamper ermmm, I don't know I guess therapy won't work too.

My uncle who is stuck and why I love KL

                  

             I would start by telling you that it is 1.50 am. It is eid ul adha today and my uncle still decides to stay at the danger zone in bukit antarabangsa. We gathered at my grandparents house and were discussing about the uncle. My aunt says jokingly that they would end up in papers with headlines "stubborn resident of the landslide". Funny enough after awhile, my cousin called me and told me that my uncle is in the papers,headlines about the same thing. I know this might sound abit daft,but, it says there my uncle is not leaving because of my aunties nine cats. I mean, when your life is at risk, you gotta just leave the cats man. Oh well, I would just have to pray to god nothing would happen,after all they are still family. 

             I wanted to write about Kuala Lumpur for quite sometime,but, I havent the time. All those years of walking through the hustles and bustles of the city, I had alot of things going on in my head. The city as we know is filled with people,which partly is one of the main reason why the place is intriguing to begin with, apart from all the other reasons. I personally have a love hate relationship with the place, I think the fact that it has so many negative atmosphere, I slowly like and love KL at the same time I also hate it. This confused feeling is normal in a person who is bipolar like me.

           The potholes of the road in KL,making the car tyre grip less and less of a function to be an anchor. Maybe the fact that the whole place isnt pedestrian friendly, which makes it unsafe for us to walk as the cars wont give way to people who would want to cross, even if it is the red light. Homeless people walking around with bedraggled shirt, walking around asking for money or just have their own spot as their house. Not to forget the dreadful traffic that goes on everyday around Klang Valley. Unfriendly looking people pushing each other just to chase the public transport, especially when public transports such as busses being overly delayed. Muggers everywhere making people paranoid,clutching their bags tightly. It is no wonder people in KL get really touchy,we've facilities yes,but, we still have a third world mentality. The rules as though it is unattended,police usually take things lightly so does the people such as thieves,teenagers and etc. Which is why I love KL so much and no, I would not like to buy the I heart KL t-shirt. I just think that the place has plenty of sentimental values, the place itself speaks up stories.

               

            

                

        It's 3.31 am and it has been approximately 5 hours since my friend dropped me off and forgot my dress I just bought in capsquare,luckily they were nice enough to come back and give it back tome (knowing how forgetful and clumsy I am). Capsquare, we went early in the morning at around 10 am ( ok, it might not be early for you,but for a person who wakes up at 5pm ,yeah! its early). We ended up not selling the "brownies",for quite obvious reasons.No proper plates,presentation wise, etc.. On the bright side it was Linda's day because she got three tables, what we call and I call 'rezeki' for her and hayat. 

          Had a very tiring day, because it was raining and we had to move a couple of times. Did not see any good looking people, well, atleast the ones that I can approach too. I was being worried of my family because of the landslide in Bukit Antarabangsa. It is quite major and I have quite a number of family members living there, in addition that my mom told me that my cousin was missing, so, my stomach was churning a little (partly because my stomach was quite empty and partly anxious). I have been looking at the news since I came back, actually, the moment I came back I turned on to the local news. I saw alot of people evacuating,but, my uncle still wants to stay in. So, yeah, that part is abit uncomfortable for me. 

           We ate in ss2, I thought I was really hungry, so, I ordered Kam Yeong,to realization that I was forcing myself through eating. Than a friend asked me whats wrong and the uncomfortable part came in because of a certain question. It seems that alot of people have been asking me about him (including me cousins and sisters) lately. I guess he is lucky enough not to have me around in any of his friends or his families head. Hypocrite ass! Haish! This has nothing to do with my friends or family, I love them. I really do! Especially the ones that are around me now.  I could shout out names,but, I dont think it is quite appropriate because if I dont mention or type other someone's name, the person might be dissapointed. So,Id rather avoid. 

combination

             Good Morning! Well its not really morning, its 2.37 a.m, so,technically it is morning, even though, I can't see the sunset or any signs of shine. Helped my friends today, baking, well he wants to sell it in capsquare tomorrow, I have never seen any of my friends bake before(not the girls,the guys) so, helping them and giving the support is ideal. I am currently watching the cartoon drama "As told by Ginger" I think I can relate to her, her break ups are like mine, guys are typically jerks, they should just be remain friends with girls. Just remember boys, please be sure that you would take care of the girl that you would want to be with and cherish her with all your heart before you go tell her "be mine" and please keep your promises, things like " I swear/promise I would not leave you ever". No, don't say that unless you really mean it,because when you actually leave the girl after you have sworn, it would just make us really angry,not just to you, to all men. 

                 I would have to get up early tomorrow and do all sorts of stuff. The world is so stereotypical, I have never experience living in other countries, maybe Malaysia is. We basically live in cliques,most of us that is, its either you socialize or you rot at home. Whatever it is, they all would go to mamak stalls at night. If you think I am not making sense, well, maybe you're not the only one. The year 2008, is simply a bad year, its ending this month and let me just say that it has been really hard. Real hard! I bet most of you think the same way too. Its the year of sudden change, change that you think would never happen ever!

jerk ass

       5 o'clcok in the morning, obviously my medication is not working today.maybe, I would sleep the whole day tomorrow. I have problems with men, or maybe, just malay men. I have made my conclusion, most malay men that is, not all. I have been through sooo many relationships with them, I thought my last one would be it, my last date, which is why the family came along,but, unfortunately he turned up to be an asswhole too. Most of my ex either cheated on me, or would just be too malay, meaning (no education, no speaky and definately would want to marry me at the age of 16 and would want me to eat grass after the marriage). Yes, I am 19, yes, its too young for me,but, to all of my ex who cheated on me. I am not dumb, I knew the change, I knew when you wanted to cheat, I knew you wanted to run the minute you twist things. Dare you to say, "who would want me, nobody" Hah! you're men, women would melt regardless. Things like 'she's not my girlfriend,she's my scandal' Moron! Do you think that I am that daft, you put her name as "yayang" Pathetic! Seriously Pathetic! How you can tell me that she's not the same as me, what is that? A pick up line?! Just to have sympathy on you, to what? because you have been flirting with tons of people and crushing me like a monster? Saying things like I think I would loose my job, all of my friends say that I am gonna be next. Yeah! BE NEXT! I friggin helped you when you first got your job, when you dont need my help you leave. Oh wait! you say "can I have abit of money for my petrol, and some food tomorrow" I would say sure, take...but, when you have money, you dump me! How dare you...how dare you say "here we go again" whenever I fucking cry....I tell you this...when you start with your studies, you would think of me again. I know you would! I am quite confident. Than you would know how I feel, how hurt I am, too bad you're too blind right now. Too bad you're too stupid. I gave you everything and no one, no one at all can replace me...you're right..no one can give you the love that I gave you... you would crawl back, the way I did, maybe worst. Right now, you would go out with your friends, have flirting fun with pretty girls yes, you would think that you have what you wanted,but, remember, I gave you the confidence, you looked like a rempit first I met you. I cut your hair,and now you're who you are. A MALAY JERK!  Guess what? The other girls wont have families like mine, you would think that its great,but, no, its not, because my family the lovely family that you're comfortable with, wont be with any girls around you. My family is superb dont you think? Oja,Nadyn,Hani,My sisters, oh yes! I know you miss them. Even all the fancy restaurants I taught you, you didnt know chillies, you didnt know italinies,sri ayuthiya...yeah! my family brought you there...if it wasnt for them and me, you wouldnt know nuts. Oh yea, before, how come your parents didnt give you money? I am seriously your stepping stone kan....you just waited to break up with me when you know you could succeed. FUCKING JERK! you tell me that you hate my friends,why? because they backstab me in the back and you think they are weird....but, cant you see?,...you're doing worst than what they are doing. My friends do not leave me in the streets. Like I said, someday, you would know what you're doing now would be one of your worst mistake in life. At that time, I would be better than you, and at that time, I would look down on you, like how you look down on me, probably worst. 

The story of time

Something I wrote back in high school. Cleaning up my room,went through garbage things and saw this:

Time is envious, 

Time is greedy,

It eats through seconds,

It never understands the word full or stop.

It ticks and moves whenever we move,

but it, does not stop whenever we stop,

we chase through time,

but we would always loose,

as time moves faster than any living thing could.

We can only move forward and not turn back,

as forward is the future,

turning back would be our past.

Time will never give us the permission to turn back,

only memories through our minds we would see the past,

which is why we can never say that we have time,

because we do not have it,

no living soul can catch or have time,

it is aggressive and bitter than anything else in this world.

If time could talk, we will only hear harsh words from it,

though, if we ask time to tell us a story,

it will never be lack of it.

:)

Destressing is probably the most important thing in life. My part of distressing consist of fast pace wind passing through my face and fingers when I take a ride in a car with my friends, without the air-cond, just the window being rolled down. When this happens, I would forget mostly alot of things. Right now, my parents and I are still battling things down between what is right and what is wrong, they do not know what is going on with this latest child. Rebelious, "self-fish"(what my dad just called me just now),self centered(the same thing) and all of the bad things above. I am on my holidays now and my ex boyfriend left me (i know it has been along time ago) with someone who is alot prettier than I am. I also had a rough time with my assignments in cyber,so,I think hanging out with friends at night is the best cure. It is wrong, but, it makes me happy, having fun,laughing without any reason. I would someday stay at home for the rest of the week,but not this week, not in the nearest week. I would clean up the house,the room, the cupboard, the shelf. I am not in my right state that I would want to go turn on my facebook and myspace again. Until then, I would still go out and vanture.

Movies

 I can sit and write all day about the media that attracts me or any other beings in this world. That is, especially movies, we as teenagers of this age have been brought up in a slightly different way from our parents and grandparents. So, there is no wonder us kids become slightly twisted, maybe der    anged as most of us are exposed to wilder things in life. I am here not to write an essay,but, to reminisce the movies that ought to be seen as these movies have and can change the way others think( might be just probably you,dear viewers). I salute the directors,producers,script writers etc people who are involve in all these movies as I know that behind the scenes behind the lens of the camera that these movies have much to put thought of.

  

       I am no critic, I am just a student with views of her own. I am not a couch potato either, Everyone has the taste of their own,if you do not like the movies that I watch than that is your own opinion and that is your view. I am also not a writer,photographer,film maker,journalist or anything to do with the media. I am actually just filling up my holiday with blogging as I have nothing else to do. 

     Enough with all the crazy talk. One of the best animated features that I have seen so far is Spirited away by Hayao Miyaki. Its a tale of a little girl being stranded in a weird town after taking a detour in a mysterious tunnel. The parents turned into pigs after they gorged themselves into food.  Why I think this animated feature is a cool movie because I think that this movie has a subliminal message about humans and how they can be greedy. 

 Next, is Pan's Labyrinth, a film by a Mexican director who also directed Hell Boy(which I have not seen). It is summative and has alot of special effects. Again a tale about a girl, her name is Ofelia, who has discovered herself into a woodland world full of eccentric creatures. She was given tasks, and at the same time she tries to escape from her evil step father who is a member of General Franco's army. 

   Well, I would type out and tell you all the plots of the movies that I have seen,but, I  think I would rather type out the names of the movies I consider as my favourite than to spurge it out. Trainspotting,The breakfast club,The shawshank redemption, sleepers,Clueless,The english patient,Saving private ryan,Volver etc. 

being the toy that i am

WIth you I am just a toy,

 I am the one who feeds your ego,

 
the one who gives you pleasure,

 when you are done and tired,

 you would throw me away,

 hoping that I would not feel anything,

 when others cant fulfill you, you would come back,

 as though I am your only one,

 because you know,

 my heart would always be opened,

 you seek others and find a better one,

 brand new, even better looking,

 yet you complain,

 that the others are not like me,

 again,blind hope is given to the ugly toy,

 but, i know you wont come back,

 cant you see?

 no one would love you as much as I

 an idiot who would bruise her own heart,

 if this was not a mental torture,

 I would be half dead.