aaaaah

aaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaHHHhhhhhHhH!!!!!! KIILL ME!!!

Dear shrink,

Oh wow, I guess it is me that needs to be changed. Alright, I guess I am a klutz at everything I do. Although I would like and wish that I am perfect (unfortunately, I am not). I don't know how not to be me. I would always be in my own world 50% of my life,that is because I am constantly thinking, which is why I get blur most of the time (because my mind would not be on earth). I try to help and I try to be as nice as possible to people, I guess what this has done to myself is just being thrown off by rotten eggs and tomatoes. So, now, being mean is what I should do?

Seriously, if you have something about me on your shoulders please do tell me straight. I have always been pushed afar anyway, so, I guess if you say it to me, that might make me feel upset or might not,but, what do you or others care (unless you're my parents or sisters...they care too much they don't seem to want to let me go)...

I am Intan Nabila...I thought I was being a friend when I sheltered a friend who ran away for afew months and introduced her to my friends...I thought I was a friend when I accompanied her and went for a journey for hours to sleep at her aunt's place as her great grandmother was passing...I thought I was a friend when I shelter another friend because it was far for her to go to school...I thought I was a friend when I accompany them when others wont...I really thought I was a friend. I guess I thought wrong. Am I the only one who would miss my friends whenever I am in cyber or some place far,maybe, I am the only one sad enough to get excited whenever friends call to invite me out because I genuinely miss them.Yeah, if it was someone else maybe they would. The thing is, I genuinely like talking,laughing,playing games,lazying around with them...but, yet again, who am I? what am I?

Sometimes, people think they have got me all figured out,but, the truth is, they have no idea. It is true that I can be VERY transparent, but, I guess the things that I think is positive would usually end up being bad.

P.s/ : I am not saying I am ungrateful about my family wanting to protect,care and love me. I am grateful...very grateful indeed,but, this is a topic of friends.

A B C ?

Around a week ago, I was reading TIMES Almanac,it was called "The world's nation from A to Z" they made a research on the worlds population,language,types of government etc. Being a proud Malaysian, I quickly turned the page to see how Malaysia is like (even if I am from and live here), I was quite shocked to see that Malaysia rates 74% in literacy.To me, this is a great disappointment and it is quite disturbing as to how our future would be like. I doubt that they include those with disabilities in this,because, next to ALL our neighbors, we rate the lowest. I have to admit I need to brush up on my language and read a lot more,but, I got my education and would not know how to type this entry without it. 22% of people do not know how to, and this saddens me.

According to UNICEF 125,000 kids or more do not go to school. Maybe they want to learn, but, do not have the money or maybe they would have to travel more than 10 kilometers to go to school. I don't think it is necessary to wait for the government to do anything as they are not doing anything at this moment. So, I would try to do something small first and hope to do it properly and not just leave it later.

I am going to check out the mosque's library tomorrow,I would need to see if I can do anything to encourage people around the neighborhood to read. This means that I would have to have a lot of determination. Like my parents, I want the non-muslims to go to the library as well,but, I am not sure if the community is open enough to let the non-muslims enter the mosque and I am not sure if the non-muslims would want to enter the mosque either. Perhaps it would be asking too much,but, I've got to do something.

Warning : I might..might... be asking any of you...you might be some random person on the street for some hand.

things to do

I have a list of things to do,

1. I have yet to buy a new laptop because I wish to play games and a slightly bigger screen as it would be easier for me to do work.

2. My cousin has invited me to Ipoh,Tambun to go climbing,of course I am excited,but, I have not been climbing properly at all, half an hour in the gym does not really count.

3. I need to upgrade my computer.

Maybe that is not a lot.

a new crush

I haven't been having a crush for awhile, I think I might have a crush on someone. Yeay! hahaha...I thought I lost my capability of having a crush,but, I think I would have to see or talk to him again to make sure.

My grandfather Abu Bakar bin Kamat

I am very grateful to have the family that I have,the grandparents,parents,sisters,aunties,uncles and cousins alike. At young of age,my cousins,sisters and I were raised and taken care of by a team of people. My grandfather plays a big role in our lives. A humble,warm,gentle and a lot more. I am very lucky to have a grandfather who cares about all of us.



He would give us each newspaper cuttings of exercises, if we had any major exams like UPSR,PMR or SPM, up until now, he would still give me books on how to improve my vocabulary,presentation skills or anything that has relations to advertising. He would do the same to my cousins. He would even call me up to give me words of wisdom when I had my first major break up, although he is a grandfather, he is indeed very understanding.


Yesterday, my sister went on a google search and found an article of a man who quote him, it was about unity. My grandfather,(if i'm not mistaken) introduced 'muhibah'(unity) to the nation even before the 13th May incident. I can't post the article here, I am not sure why.


This is what my sister wrote about my grandfather in her poem. I wrote this entry inspired by both of my sisters. I would stop writing as her poem would say it all.

To my Tok Bah, who taught me to love words.
When I was little
I knew with absolute
certainty

(Children can afford absolutes):


My Tok Bah was
Santa Claus

It was not just
The uncanny resemblance
Or a child’s affinity
for the fantastic.

It was the generosity
Bordering on self-sacrifice

The big booming laugh
That erupts from
a good yarn or
a grandchild’s antics

The goodwill
To all mankind
And animal-kind, too
(I remember feeding stray dogs and cats
I ate the cats’ rice once)

And always
The gentle, gentle
Lessons:

Be kind
To kings and paupers alike

Be generous
Things are just
Things

Be polite
Even if you disagree
(Especially if you disagree)

Be grateful
If you have family
You have
Everything.

My Tok Bah
Sends us handwritten letters
and newspaper clippings
Economics for me
Gross medical stories for the young doctor
Arts and graphics for those of us
infinitely more creative.

None of us are millionaires
But we are worth more
than mere money.

In his eyes, we are
Einsteins
Flemings
Picassos
(even Central Bank Governors)

Who needs a Nobel Prize, now?

If I live to be 80
(My Tok Bah will be soon, inshallah)
I will never forget
the benediction
of a gentle pat on the head
and a “pot sikit”

And always, the messages –
They’ve seen us through
Frigid winters
Heated exchanges
Difficult lectures
Horrid bosses:

“Usaha dan tawakkal!”

“I am confident you can do it!”

“Maju terus maju!”

I don’t say this enough
And I should
(Knowing that it still isn’t enough):

We love you, Tok Bah

And thank you.

My sister's short story

Since my family on my father's side is originally from KL, my sister wrote a short story of my great (i am not sure how many great's ) grandfather's house in Kampung Baru (it is still there,standing alone with cats and no living soul inside) which is really sad because it has been there for hundreds of years. Here goes my sisters short story in city of shared stories kuala lumpur, the title Kera's kangkang. Please do read.
http://cityofsharedstorieskualalumpur.com/story/title/keras-kangkang/