Truth is, I want to do what I want to and I do what I do just because I think it is cool.I know I am not. I am easily psyched and fascinated which is why I want to do things in an instant, I can also get bored easily. Hence, the reason why I need to feed the bored adrenaline, so that it can tell me to get up and not go down under to dull and depressed brain land.
I sometimes over estimate my abilities but, most of the time I would under estimate and surprise myself. I can't predict myself, so, I doubt that anyone can predict me. When I am psyched, I would usually be really hyper and I won't stop moving, but, it can be switched when someone would say things that would upset me and it would usually ruin my entire day.
I like doing random things alone, just to make myself happy. I sometimes walk alone because I see everything differently when I am alone.I can't stay at home because staying at home too long would make me feel unproductive and that saddens me sometimes.
Whenever people think that I am blur, I get annoyed with myself, because that would usually mean that they think that my brain is filled with air. What they don't know is, it is actually the opposite, my brain has too many things to think that I have to sometimes take the real world out. I don't have any major problems and when people think, they don't usually think about their problems only. I would usually think about everything and anything from useful things, to useless things.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
focus
I have realized that, I am not creative nor am I smart in any way. I have been told that I am slow repetitively, and I am starting to believe that I am. Perhaps right now I am in a manic stage, where I think everything is wrong about myself. I wish I can produce things fast and I wish I can do things that I imagine I would and can do.
I know what I am, and most of the people including my mom,sisters,aunties,cousins and friends say that I am weird. Maybe what I am is being awkward around everyone and being weird and that's just me.
I seriously wish right now, my brain could stop generating false things that make me day dream and focus.
I know what I am, and most of the people including my mom,sisters,aunties,cousins and friends say that I am weird. Maybe what I am is being awkward around everyone and being weird and that's just me.
I seriously wish right now, my brain could stop generating false things that make me day dream and focus.
Friday, February 18, 2011
re-post old entry from old blog
I was reading my old blog and this is the first thing I saw.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
trembling life
I am really not sure why I cant put pictures in my blog, maybe it is because I just suck in IT,which would lead me into trouble as I would need some basic knowledge about softwares like illustrator,photoshop and stuff or I would have no money at all for the future. *yikes!*err... Lately, I have been hanging around lindsay alot (linda), from time to time I now know why everybody loves her. I am not trying to be safe and write good things about people, but, hey, I never thought that I would think she's cool. I mean, we've been friends for almost a decade but, most of my friends were mean back than. Now, that I have grown to a friggin 19 year old (I cant believe that I would be 20 next..shite!) I am certain that she has changed. Latter, a few guys (bibo,m,ayim who's currently not in the state of province) and one assuntarian girl (amelia) all together would make each other laugh sitting in the car or place ourselves at some hawker stall or restaurant etc. Whenever I hangout with them, I believe that each of them has got talent, wether in photography,arts,public relations they've got their own personality and that is why I feel comfortable with them. I am writing all of the nice things about them, because,because,well, right now, I can only think about nice things. Now that I have written things about my lovely friends, lets get down to my family. My eldest has been traveling while working literally nearly around the whole world. She is a lucky one because she has got the privilege to travel in business class, and shop in the big apple! thats about it I guess, apart from that I guess she would be missing her daughter here,but, I would really want to go to Washington,delhi,singapore etc with her...shite again!(that is meant for not being able to follow my eldest) The middle child has landed back into her motherland which is here. She came back last last Monday. I did not get to see her due to my extended last minute assignments, so, I had to stay in Cyber(another story,spent time with dudes Kerry and Tun) but, I am back in PJ now, so, she is all I see. My dad is as usual being cranky old papa,but, I have afew attempts on cheering him up here and there, it works sometimes, usually it doesnt. Both my parents are mad because I cant get my butt stay in my house compound. My mom has been taking care of my niece as usual. I have been quite close to her lately, telling her about the latest gossips, like the things that linda has with M. She thinks its cute and so do I. I tell her other things too,like how to deal with my boyfriend and stuff. Mothers nows best. Things has been alright with awi and I, I guess, he bought me a second hand touch screen motorola phone, I have to type things with my hand if I want to call or sms, the previous owner lost the pen thingamajiggy. I am on holiday, so I am trying my best not to bore myself to death as I wait for my poor results to come by and land in my letter box so that I can feel guilty of not working hard enough for my third semester. Shite! aaah! lalalalal...
Posted at 05:05 am by bilabambam
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Wednesday, June 25, 2008
trembling life
I am really not sure why I cant put pictures in my blog, maybe it is because I just suck in IT,which would lead me into trouble as I would need some basic knowledge about softwares like illustrator,photoshop and stuff or I would have no money at all for the future. *yikes!*err... Lately, I have been hanging around lindsay alot (linda), from time to time I now know why everybody loves her. I am not trying to be safe and write good things about people, but, hey, I never thought that I would think she's cool. I mean, we've been friends for almost a decade but, most of my friends were mean back than. Now, that I have grown to a friggin 19 year old (I cant believe that I would be 20 next..shite!) I am certain that she has changed. Latter, a few guys (bibo,m,ayim who's currently not in the state of province) and one assuntarian girl (amelia) all together would make each other laugh sitting in the car or place ourselves at some hawker stall or restaurant etc. Whenever I hangout with them, I believe that each of them has got talent, wether in photography,arts,public relations they've got their own personality and that is why I feel comfortable with them. I am writing all of the nice things about them, because,because,well, right now, I can only think about nice things. Now that I have written things about my lovely friends, lets get down to my family. My eldest has been traveling while working literally nearly around the whole world. She is a lucky one because she has got the privilege to travel in business class, and shop in the big apple! thats about it I guess, apart from that I guess she would be missing her daughter here,but, I would really want to go to Washington,delhi,singapore etc with her...shite again!(that is meant for not being able to follow my eldest) The middle child has landed back into her motherland which is here. She came back last last Monday. I did not get to see her due to my extended last minute assignments, so, I had to stay in Cyber(another story,spent time with dudes Kerry and Tun) but, I am back in PJ now, so, she is all I see. My dad is as usual being cranky old papa,but, I have afew attempts on cheering him up here and there, it works sometimes, usually it doesnt. Both my parents are mad because I cant get my butt stay in my house compound. My mom has been taking care of my niece as usual. I have been quite close to her lately, telling her about the latest gossips, like the things that linda has with M. She thinks its cute and so do I. I tell her other things too,like how to deal with my boyfriend and stuff. Mothers nows best. Things has been alright with awi and I, I guess, he bought me a second hand touch screen motorola phone, I have to type things with my hand if I want to call or sms, the previous owner lost the pen thingamajiggy. I am on holiday, so I am trying my best not to bore myself to death as I wait for my poor results to come by and land in my letter box so that I can feel guilty of not working hard enough for my third semester. Shite! aaah! lalalalal...
Posted at 05:05 am by bilabambam
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long class...bore bore bore
Tomorrow would be the day that I would be sitting in a dull classroom for 6 hours providing, I think about half an hour of break. Food would be far away from all of us as it is located opposite of Asia Jaya LRT Station and the canteen doesn't open. Therefore, the only food that they have is guava and other 1 ringgit fruits in a local stand at the LRT station.
*Augh* I could feel the agony of sitting and "listening" to the lecture already. I have been to the same class and listened to the same lecture before this, but, being smart, I failed the class twice and after 3 years of being lazy, a calling came to me and went for registration with a friend.
I thank god that I have a friend to go along with, I doubt that I can stand being a vegetable for 6 hours. I didn't say what class it was did I? I mentioned that it is opposite of Asia Jaya, so, if you are from around PJ you would've guessed it by now (just maybe). I am attending driver's license ad. I know none of you would give a rats ass,but, hey, it is part of my therapy,writing, so, you don't get to say nuts about it.
*Augh* I could feel the agony of sitting and "listening" to the lecture already. I have been to the same class and listened to the same lecture before this, but, being smart, I failed the class twice and after 3 years of being lazy, a calling came to me and went for registration with a friend.
I thank god that I have a friend to go along with, I doubt that I can stand being a vegetable for 6 hours. I didn't say what class it was did I? I mentioned that it is opposite of Asia Jaya, so, if you are from around PJ you would've guessed it by now (just maybe). I am attending driver's license ad. I know none of you would give a rats ass,but, hey, it is part of my therapy,writing, so, you don't get to say nuts about it.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
the plug pin problem
It has passed my recent bed time (which by the way is usually 12am the most), but, my head didn't let me sleep. It bothered me with thoughts, that I had to write it down somewhere. Writing in paper with pen couldn't just do it, felt wrong (it is a modern era) besides, I have a huge laptop on my bed, I might just put it to some use. Frankly, having the process of "successfully" typing this entry requires quite a lot of energy. Why you may ask? Yeah,I know...you may think that it is just a matter of clicking and creating a new entry,but, I had to
find a proper plug to my laptop, the only plug is right under my bed
Why is it a problem?
It is a problem because my bed is at least 1 foot tall and I swear if you fall from my bed you would get injuries,probably quite a major one.
About my bed?
It is somewhat like a princess like bed (which is so not me) but, I still love it! It is an antique that my dad took from the attic of my relatives house. When my dad first got it, it was really really rusty, like you can barely see the shape of the metal, but, dad got it clean and painted it white. The bed is apparently more than 100 years old, and it belonged to my grandmother.
Done with the bed story.
Back to the plug problem.
When the bed is 1 foot tall, me, being quite (not to say hoarder because that would just mean that I collect and don't dispense anything) a keeper or a collector, it is filled with things. So, going to the plug under my bed is like swimming through laps of things with tiny space that would make your forehead sore because it kept bumping onto the surface of the bed every time your body gets through at least an inch.
When I finally got to the plug, I realized that there was something wrong with the pins,so, it took me about at least 10 minutes to fit the charger into the plug pin.
After all that, I felt an accomplishment. I didn't think that I felt this accomplished when I went to my graduation ceremony. Oh well, I might be exaggerating,but, than again, you're not me, so you wouldn't know if it is true or false and you shouldn't care either.
find a proper plug to my laptop, the only plug is right under my bed
Why is it a problem?
It is a problem because my bed is at least 1 foot tall and I swear if you fall from my bed you would get injuries,probably quite a major one.
About my bed?
It is somewhat like a princess like bed (which is so not me) but, I still love it! It is an antique that my dad took from the attic of my relatives house. When my dad first got it, it was really really rusty, like you can barely see the shape of the metal, but, dad got it clean and painted it white. The bed is apparently more than 100 years old, and it belonged to my grandmother.
Done with the bed story.
Back to the plug problem.
When the bed is 1 foot tall, me, being quite (not to say hoarder because that would just mean that I collect and don't dispense anything) a keeper or a collector, it is filled with things. So, going to the plug under my bed is like swimming through laps of things with tiny space that would make your forehead sore because it kept bumping onto the surface of the bed every time your body gets through at least an inch.
When I finally got to the plug, I realized that there was something wrong with the pins,so, it took me about at least 10 minutes to fit the charger into the plug pin.
After all that, I felt an accomplishment. I didn't think that I felt this accomplished when I went to my graduation ceremony. Oh well, I might be exaggerating,but, than again, you're not me, so you wouldn't know if it is true or false and you shouldn't care either.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
things I dream to do in my dreamland
I am constantly in my dreamland. I wish it has a stop button so that I can concentrate on whatever task that I have to encounter. I am actually tired of people looking down on me. I may be clumsy, at some point naive, but, I have certain trades in me that counters the negatives.
Yet again, the lists of things I would want to do that would make my parents go nuts. Not like I don't make them nuts everyday when I tell them that I am going out with my friends. I can't help it, I am quite different from my sisters, alright, quite different may be an understatement. I somehow feel like I have been raised by different sets of family at times, or maybe, I am the one who's being too rebellious. I don't know.
Here goes with the list that may happen or may not happen in the so called activities that requires a lot of money, parents going nuts, and life risking.
Outdoor climbing - of course I haven't climb in ages, which explains all the fat and lack of stamina whenever I do any exercise.
skydive
alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5571532765957204930" />
Sit at the beach and surf all day or maybe all week.
Go backpacking and hiking for a month (come to think of it, it would be hard when the time of the month comes- hygiene reasons) or at least a week..yeah... a week or two is ok
Try Snowboarding
the list goes on...
Yet again, the lists of things I would want to do that would make my parents go nuts. Not like I don't make them nuts everyday when I tell them that I am going out with my friends. I can't help it, I am quite different from my sisters, alright, quite different may be an understatement. I somehow feel like I have been raised by different sets of family at times, or maybe, I am the one who's being too rebellious. I don't know.
Here goes with the list that may happen or may not happen in the so called activities that requires a lot of money, parents going nuts, and life risking.
Outdoor climbing - of course I haven't climb in ages, which explains all the fat and lack of stamina whenever I do any exercise.
skydive
alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5571532765957204930" />Sit at the beach and surf all day or maybe all week.
Go backpacking and hiking for a month (come to think of it, it would be hard when the time of the month comes- hygiene reasons) or at least a week..yeah... a week or two is ok
Try Snowboarding
the list goes on...
Sunday, February 6, 2011
first surfing experience
I went to Bali for 5 days and I have tried a new sport, an obvious one because I posted the picture above. Of course, I wasn't as good as the posted picture, I wish I was,but, I just started and I am not sure when I am going to do it again. I went to the surfing school and had an hour of free lesson.Which includes on how to balance and 3 steps of standing the right way. Within an hour I was able to stand on the board in the pool. So, I headed to the beach to experience the high tide waves.
The current of the ocean was so dense that it kept pulling me further in. Battling with the waves and the ocean was tiring and my trainer kept asking me "capek nggak" which means..."are you tired" in indonesian. I just nodded because I was saving my breathe for the next couple of waves to come. After a few hours of paddling, the waves became stronger and bigger, at that time, my trainer told me that I could already pick my own waves and paddle by myself without his guide.
I was so ambitious, I took the big wave, and I could here him yelling "ombaknya besar tu" which meant "that is a big wave" I just tried, though I could stand about a minute, I fell half way, due to lack of balance, I struggled in the water while rolling in. I find it quite funny because I felt like a ball pushed by the ocean,surprisingly the salt water didn't taste as bad. When I finally could stand up, I was far away from the trainer and my board was about a meter and a half away from me. I was too lazy to go all the way to take the board so, I pulled the string that was attached to my leg and the board for (safety reasons)and head back to the ocean, again battling with the current.
I think I felt the achievement when I stood the whole way from the ocean to the shore. Felt good because I think I may have attracted attention to the by standers as they applauded and cheered a few times when I surfed to shore.
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