From my old blog 6 years ago

My Goodness! I was a terrible child! ahahaha....this was years ago when I was still in high school and yes, I have graduated (not with distinction) but, I have gratefully landed myself in a stable job (Thank God!)

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Unnecesarry asssumptions

I found my sister and parents all dressed up when I woke up this morning (around 10 am).I asked them where were they off to,and they told me that they were going to the mall.Usually,they'd ask me if I would like to go with them,but,they didnt.So,I asked my father if I could follow them and he replied "nabila! no! you have exam in two days time,study!" I didnt expact a yell from him,I just pretend that he didnt and went to my room.
I could not study,so,I had plans of going to the mall alone,it didnt happen because I realised that I had no money to take a cab and no friends to go with.So much for the enthusiasm of being a rebel again.I was bored,I felt like I need entertainment,my dear sister took the cable off so that I wont go online.I felt glad that my sister forgot to take her laptop away,I decided to watch an Indonesian movie "Janji Joni",that was the only movie available at that moment(I want a guy who's replica exactly like Nicholas Saputra).I needed someone to accompany me,I called my maid to watch it with me ( I didnt want to feel lonely),it was funny.
After watching the movie,bore started to rage against me,knowing that there was nothing else to do,I took a couple of fags went outside and finished it.I was amazed that I could finish the whole packet for only an hour (that shows how lonely I am right now).While inhaling and exhaling I found myself thinking and making assumptions about myself( I dont think I need to share that with the public).Food was calling my name,and I decided to reheat fried rice that had not been touched since yesterday.
Everyone was out for quite along time,I couldnt help but to switch on the tv and dance along with those video clips that was on MTV and Channel V.It was so loud that my maid told me to turn the volume down.I felt abit tired,and went off to bed,by the time I got up,my parents and sister got home.They bought me cream puffs,some pasta,and one of those wax from body shop.The cream puffs were delicious,so,I finished them all,not knowing that it was for the whole family.I felt guilty when my mom asked me for it,and I just said "sorry mama,cream puff semua kat dalam perut bila" I smiled and went away.
Today was nothing,but,it was a long day.I cant afford to write anymore as my eyes are beginning to shut by itself.Plus,I have school tomorrow so,thats enough of a reason for a girl to go off to bed when its 15 minutes to 1. Au re voir to anyone who is reading this mindless blog of mine.

recap of 2012

           I just can't believe 2012 is about to end! This post is just for me to recap what I have done which have been a total mind blowing yet quite thrilling with a mixture of melancholic thirst of experiences and self realization towards change. Goodness this year I have surprised myself, I have done things that I can never imagine I have done. I never give myself credit and I would always feel slightly small almost every time and every day,but, not this time. This time, I would like to conclude the year by being  proud of what I have done  through out the year and hope that I would continue on to the perseverance and determination that I have shown myself.

          Why do I feel this sudden feeling of success? Well, for a start, in January up to May, I started working three jobs. Knowing that I needed skills that I know I didn't have much of. Therefore, I applied first as a barista in Starbucks (one which I have worked in when I was 17 years old), because that was the only thing that I know I could familiarize myself with for work. Then, worked as an intern in a media company called Redberry. Which would be my first experience working in a proper office atmosphere. I met loads of really hard working people that I look up to right until now. I observed how they worked and I try to adapt what they have showed me and I hope God willingly that I remember and not forget.

        I knew I needed to know more (you can say that I was eager to learn of anything and everything...yeah, I know this might sound tacky,but, believe me, it is true) so, I started to take up my experience in Artisan Roast. I had a feeling just by talking to the owner that I could really learn while working in there. Indeed, I did! I can never ever forget how passionate every barista is in the store and how both the owners keep educating themselves about coffee. I have never in my life felt so much appreciation and love towards the wonderful creation that God has given us. Which would be coffee and other grown things which includes fruits and vegetables. Most of the people working there, I realized, have so much talent and are able to multitask, I can never forget how hardworking they are. Like in Redberry, people in Artisan Roast, have given me speechless and countless amount of experience (even if it was only for a few short months).

         I than took a dive from media to banking. This would be my first corporate experience, complete with procedures, paperwork and protocol. A world that I have yet to discover and still slightly eerie but, at the same time filled with discoveries that are surprisingly amusing. I started working in the IT department, which I have complete zero knowledge of, but, I did not just sit still, I did bug everyone in the whole department, just to gain certain knowledge. Since, the culture in the bank is unseen and sudden for me, I had to take some trouble to adjust to the environment. I actually still am slightly getting used to it, just that I couldn't care less sometimes.

          I carried on until I had placed myself now to Corporate Communications department. I was glad, because I could finally understand what they were doing and could have ideas (one that which would not be used) but, its ok, someday it will. I still have a long journey ahead and yet I think I have accomplished so much in a short time in this current department. I just hope that no one would sabotage me (God Willing).


A book of which was designed by me and launched by the minister of finance with the managing director.

     Throw up if you would like, but, like I said, I don't give myself enough credit as I have been too much of a pessimist. I am now starting with optimism and pride as I need this to move and strive to become a better human, worker, colleague, friend, cousin, sister, granddaughter last but now least which I know I have been terrible in, daughter.

      Concurrently, I have refrain myself from buying and smoking cigarettes, as of which I try to start a healthy lifestyle and I would have to go to the gym so that I wouldn't be too plumped up. I know people tend to eat more when they have stopped smoking, therefore, I go to the gym whenever I could. At this moment and time, all I know is that I should change for the better, I am not getting any younger and I am fully aware that my parents and sisters are not either. Therefore, I should try to be more self reliant as I possibly can. That would be my goal for next year.

certain something

I have been wanting to type, have been eager to travel and have been contemplating on leaving to continue my masters as previously promised by my parents to study abroad. I guess I haven't earned it enough which I can understand now. To be fair, I wasn't all flowers and books. Yes,  I did not concentrate all that well during my school and college days. Oh well, enough with the feeling of distraught. I almost forgot my main reason why I wanted to type in so much before. I have stopped working in artisan, it was extremely hard for me to maintain two jobs,but, I thought I could concentrate more if I quit, frankly, it doesn't really make much difference.

It is 11.30pm I have tons and tons of work to be done, but, I am now writing an entry in my blog. Not to mention that it is due tomorrow morning. My goodness, when will I learn. Perhaps, I will never learn. I haven't any proper break for 6 months and I am starting to feel as though I am being a bore by just being in the office. I used to do crazy things, although, dumb, but, I did have a blast. This might be another phase of my life before entering the real adulthood. I don't regard myself as an adult just yet, I am very aware that I am still immature.

Lately, I feel as though I am loosing myself, as I find myself too carried away with the environment around me, which makes me think negatively, and I really can't afford to feel that way. I keep telling myself to be strong. Though, I have colleagues that would give me advice and ask me to tag along for lunch and dinner, which I thank God and am very grateful for. Despite those blessings, I can't help but, to feel uneasy with certain things. Like somehow I am blinded by jealousy of certain people. I think I should just keep quiet and not say anything after this.

work full stop

Basically my life revolves around...a) work b) word c) work and d) work....ahahaha...sadly, I am not exaggerating. I have a minimum of 4 hours to hang around with my friends in a week. That is if I have a lucky week. I try to sleep at least 8 hours a day, just so I don't feel tired for the following day. How I cope? Well, I honestly don't know. Why I do it? I just want to maximize my time because I use to waste it as though it was free water.

I admit that I am not a very good designer, which is why I have to struggle a bit more and I don't want to give up. I am also quite surprised because if its college I would definitely say "fuck it".

Now, for my weekend coffee shop artisan roast day. hmph....honestly, it is also tiring, but, i would try to cope.

change of mind

Yeaay for my work and I am a Junior designer, but, i still have room to grow. Frankly, I don't think that I am that old to learn. So, at the moment I don't think I mind learning everything from scratch. It is the politics that is bugging me and also the am afraid of people just using me cause I get that everywhere. Not kidding..its cause prolly I allow myself to be used...but, its ok...im learning not to let ppl use me.

I don't think I like who ever I like anymore. I have actually changed my feelings to a photographer in malay mail. There 5 photographers, therefore, I have only one photographer that I have a crush on and he takes amazing photos. I admire the fact that he is willing to climb up anywhere to get the right picture. Hmph...that is it than...

I just hope I can handle 2 jobs in one go. I am absolutely slammmed...slammed as hell!

everything in 2012

Since I can't sleep, I figured, I might as well type things out and write about what I have gone through these past few months in 2012. Let me recap, because as sad of a person that I am, I actually do re-read previous post to remember my emotions that can be quite a turbulence. Also, not to mention that I can be self absorbed (not like I am the only person in this world ends up being one). I think somehow I keep track of my emotions just by writing it in this blog.

Alright, back to what I have gone through this year...maybe...I have successfully finished my internship in Redberry. I was scared to bits when I started, as it was my first ever job in a proper office. They trust me enough to do the designs and I am grateful for it. The fact that the bosses (everyone who worked with me..I consider the whole office as my boss just because I am an intern..interns are always below the food chain...that is what my sister told me...so, I keep that in mind) treated me nicely and very friendly towards me that I got to know how small the media industry is. Yes, I learned to enjoy every bit of it, and I would like to think that I have strive to take whatever it is that they would like to offer me in the experience of a working environment.I have to thank my whole team for my experience too...everyone of them...I miss them dearly now.

I also, learned to look up to various types of people. Now, I understand that no one can be on top without striving. I know now that by working, you learn something new everyday and I am not just saying that. I think I have grown slightly confident of myself just by working. Three months of working two jobs without taking a break is harsh, but, I tend to avoid myself from unhealthy routines that way. Of course, there are also people that I need to be careful of while I am working, but, if negative things start to happen to me, I would learn how to deal with it...nothing goes smoothly and no work is easy.


Here are the memories that I have left of my internship also the only pictures that I have with them...ahahaha...just would like to share with people...you know...spreaad the luuurvee:













What about my love life? hehehe...well, I think now I am quite stable enough to have a relationship,but, I guess when it is the right time the right person will come. I don't hope for anything, well, that is a lie...what I hope for is that I hope that I won't be having 20 cats and 15 kittens living in my house without any spouse and die a cranky old maid...*knocks on wood* and it is not that I haven't tried either...I have gotten myself exes before, but, somehow, it didn't work...maybe because I was immature at that time...VERY immature..made the same mistakes over again...and now, I am just tired of those mistakes...I don't wish to regret what I have done because if I didn't do the mistakes...I would never learn. Could say that I have become a tough b***h when it comes to love,but, to repeat it would be foolish, so, I'd rather avoid it (not avoid love...just the whole mistake situation thing...i want love...its all butterflies and adrenaline and stuff)...recently (not quite recently but, this year) I told a friend that I had feelings for him...and his reply "I don't know how to respond to that"...hehe...until now, I didn't get any responds...I'd like to think that he likes being as slow as a slug when it comes to replying a girls feelings...I ended up thinking that he is not worth my thought...so, up till now, I haven't been seeing or contacting him...but, I do like someone else now...a very nice...good looking person that I admire...if I were to type about him, it'd take a lot of time and a longer post to write. I am not quite sure if he knows he is good looking,but, if he does, he is calm about it. Well, that is all...I feel like I am in high school again...I remember this feeling...the chirpy and nervousness of liking someone...never had this feeling in years...the last time i had this feeling was when I first met my ex in high school...whatever it is...wish me luck :D

not as much of a coffee addict

I just found out how insanely passionate my boss is about coffee and how he still keeps himself updated through his own research with the beans. I seriously can't call myself a barista, I can't even pull shots properly without making it taste like crap. Funny how I think I am starting to slightly get obsessed with coffee. He has a blog dedicated to coffee!

caught up

Hmph, even though I don't have any relationship with any guy besides friendship, I feel as though I am in one. Seems unrealistic, but, at the moment I am waiting for the confirmation of a job and although it has only been a week, but, I feel as though it has been a year. Yeah I am working in artisan tomorrow, which is an awesome coffee shop by ttdi.

This redberry thing is still making me anxious. If its a guy, at least I can ask him directly if he wants me or dump me, but, this is a company. Oh well, faith is in my hands I hope.

hello jobs

Well, Hello there! I see you're still alive and with outdated post. I haven't any motivation to write anything these past few weeks or months as I have been pretty caught up with my double life and my double personalities. Quite ironic how I am getting comfortable with two lives at the moment. To be honest, I am quite proud that I am able to commit to two jobs.

I can assure you that it has not been easy (at all!). I try not to complain that much as I am afraid my parents would tell me that I should stop working in starbucks and concentrate on the current intern (which they have about a million times), but, I want to work two jobs and I know that it would benefit me in some other way somehow. I am planning to quit starbucks as I have found a better and less evil coffee shop to work in.

I have spent less time with my family and friends as time doesn't permit me to do so. I just hope they would understand that I have wasted my time during the education days so much that I feel that I need to re-explore everything and learn everything back so that I wouldn't fall into the dumps and without a stable lifestyle. I can assure you that once I am stable, I would see everyone again as much as possible.

At the moment, I just want everyone's support and hope that I wouldn't be lazy anymore. Also, I would need prayers that what I am doing would benefit me and would end up making my life a success.