Thursday, July 30, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
a person liking me
Alright....a guy confessed that he likes me! I dont know if I like him...he is cool and all but im just afraid....I asked him why he liked me his answer is that...he thinks that I am the most interesting person (female) that he has ever met...he adds...apart from that he thinks physically that I am cute...ofcourse I was blushing the whole way and I had a crush on him..that was only a crush...just a tad bit of a crush...that wasnt liking him. I didnt reply...I Just kept on changing the subject or to distract in away possible...I am just afraid.
I know this doesnt mean that he wants to commit....but, I am just afraid...I wanted a guy to like me...here it is...but, now ive chickened out...*sigh....
I know this doesnt mean that he wants to commit....but, I am just afraid...I wanted a guy to like me...here it is...but, now ive chickened out...*sigh....
Thursday, July 23, 2009
S-Q and its cons
hey blog, I am writing here today to tell you how much I am TIRED of S-Q. This is what its like taking the meds every single day. I doze off, dreaming of weird things (mostly nightmares),sometimes I dream of doing things that I should do the next day like doing my assignments, as in literally doing it in my dreams and when I wake up,my assignments arent done at all...and this definitely SUCKS! This has happened a couple of times before, there was this one time dreamt of bathing and walking to the bus stop to go to class...but, the reality is that I was still sleeping on my bed. Nice dream huh...and I ended up being late to class.
Some other things that I hate about being on meds is having to wake up feeling sleepy. I wake up and I feel really sleepy, this happens every time I wake up. If I don't take my meds, I can't sleep, I'd be awake the whole time. S-Q would make people gain alot of weight, therefore, I try to eat at a modest amount even though I feel hungry alot sometimes. I would try to go exercise as much as I can. I would feel empty and alone if I dont go out. It is because of my meds I feel numb most of the time, sometimes, I just feel blank, and thats it. So far, I think Im doing better than the first few months that I took S-Q. I am a sloth partly because of S-Q, yes, I was lazy before, but, not THIS lazy. I am not lying, this is honest.
Some other things that I hate about being on meds is having to wake up feeling sleepy. I wake up and I feel really sleepy, this happens every time I wake up. If I don't take my meds, I can't sleep, I'd be awake the whole time. S-Q would make people gain alot of weight, therefore, I try to eat at a modest amount even though I feel hungry alot sometimes. I would try to go exercise as much as I can. I would feel empty and alone if I dont go out. It is because of my meds I feel numb most of the time, sometimes, I just feel blank, and thats it. So far, I think Im doing better than the first few months that I took S-Q. I am a sloth partly because of S-Q, yes, I was lazy before, but, not THIS lazy. I am not lying, this is honest.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
a burden
Good morning!! Well, here I am at home,feeling rather slow and mellow. I feel quite emotional today and what triggered it is probably a typical hormonal problem women suffer every month. I was quite mad at myself, why? you may ask. I just realized that I am incapable of taking care of myself, at all. This saddens me, as my dream is to travel alone, I would have to do things that will not have the involvement of any of my family members nor close friends.
I went out and slept over somewhere at my friends place, my dad, had specifically told my dear friend to take care of me. Indeed she did with the help of my other friend. My problem is that I take myself and my things for granted I think,because, I can't be that daft as to forget the valuable things such as phones and wallet every single damn time(mind you). I am suddenly thinking of the daily routines that I always do, I would forget where I put the simplest things, this definitely scares me. To anyone who is reading this, you might think that I am being overreacting or over dramatic,but, the truth of it all is that I am scared. I am 20 years old, I can't remember the simplest things in my daily life, my parents wont always be here to support me, and my sisters have their own lives to attend to.
Yes, I have to admit, I am quite fortunate to have such caring family and friends and yes, there is a but, I can't always be dependent to them or anyone at all. I can survive alone, in cyber, and also when I go about in KL,but, what if I were to be in Australia next year, would I be able to take care of myself? Cyber isn't far at all, its barely half an hour from home, calling wouldnt be a problem at all. The truth, I dont like to be a burden to people, I feel guilty when I can't drive (which is why I prefer taking public transport), guilty for my friends that have to bear with me forgetting valuable things, guilty that my dad has to tell people at the age of 20 to take care of me. I feel useless as to my being of growing up. I need to do something about this, I can't keep forgetting. I hate being a burden to anyone.
I went out and slept over somewhere at my friends place, my dad, had specifically told my dear friend to take care of me. Indeed she did with the help of my other friend. My problem is that I take myself and my things for granted I think,because, I can't be that daft as to forget the valuable things such as phones and wallet every single damn time(mind you). I am suddenly thinking of the daily routines that I always do, I would forget where I put the simplest things, this definitely scares me. To anyone who is reading this, you might think that I am being overreacting or over dramatic,but, the truth of it all is that I am scared. I am 20 years old, I can't remember the simplest things in my daily life, my parents wont always be here to support me, and my sisters have their own lives to attend to.
Yes, I have to admit, I am quite fortunate to have such caring family and friends and yes, there is a but, I can't always be dependent to them or anyone at all. I can survive alone, in cyber, and also when I go about in KL,but, what if I were to be in Australia next year, would I be able to take care of myself? Cyber isn't far at all, its barely half an hour from home, calling wouldnt be a problem at all. The truth, I dont like to be a burden to people, I feel guilty when I can't drive (which is why I prefer taking public transport), guilty for my friends that have to bear with me forgetting valuable things, guilty that my dad has to tell people at the age of 20 to take care of me. I feel useless as to my being of growing up. I need to do something about this, I can't keep forgetting. I hate being a burden to anyone.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
changes
I just found out that next semester would be VERY VERY different from past semesters. This time, IT WILL BE.
1.My friend naz will bring his wife to malaysia,this means, we wont be hanging around with him like we usually do,but, we can try to make his wife to like us.
2. Andrew would be living in Mont Kiara, therefore, we wont see him anywhere in cyber anymore,well,he'd visit,but, it wont be the same.
3. Due to the fact that naz's wife is staying here, adeline wont be around cyber
4. Bibo,Umi,Along,Atika etc. they are doing their internship..and would be graduating...so,I wont be seing them either..
5. I just realize that I was saying "we" alot..by "we" meaning who?....I think it would just be me and fafa...
6. Housemate has a new bf so, I think she'd be quite busy too
7. I have a new Maldivian housemate...hope she'd be nice!
Thats it! *sigh* changes make me scared
1.My friend naz will bring his wife to malaysia,this means, we wont be hanging around with him like we usually do,but, we can try to make his wife to like us.
2. Andrew would be living in Mont Kiara, therefore, we wont see him anywhere in cyber anymore,well,he'd visit,but, it wont be the same.
3. Due to the fact that naz's wife is staying here, adeline wont be around cyber
4. Bibo,Umi,Along,Atika etc. they are doing their internship..and would be graduating...so,I wont be seing them either..
5. I just realize that I was saying "we" alot..by "we" meaning who?....I think it would just be me and fafa...
6. Housemate has a new bf so, I think she'd be quite busy too
7. I have a new Maldivian housemate...hope she'd be nice!
Thats it! *sigh* changes make me scared
FB and its applications
I am addicted to facebook games...There's Restaurant city,petsociety,sorrority life,happy farm....*sigh* I'd say thank god for fb and its quiz and game applications, the truth, I never liked fb before this. I never thought that i'd fill most of my time with it. Watched half blood prince, it was pretty cool,but, its just not the same, I mean, they changed alot of things.
Alright,I don't know why,but,when I was in a relationship with my ex, afew guys i like came to me and told me they liked me, I rejected. Now that I am single...no one came!! this is saad....*sigh* Oh well, nevermind, I think I regret now that I was being too faithful. No more being faithful...hehe....again...thank you. for....reading...tralala
Alright,I don't know why,but,when I was in a relationship with my ex, afew guys i like came to me and told me they liked me, I rejected. Now that I am single...no one came!! this is saad....*sigh* Oh well, nevermind, I think I regret now that I was being too faithful. No more being faithful...hehe....again...thank you. for....reading...tralala
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
MORNING WORLD
Dearest blog,
If I keep on sleeping at this hour I would end up looking like an old hag. I would get wrinkles even before I reach 30! Alright, calm down nabila you're being paranoid. *sigh* Alright, I love you world and I love you life! It is wednesday 5.36 am in the damn morning, and I am suppose to be optimistic (atleast Id try). MORNING WORLD!!! hugs and kisses to all of you (well, I do like to hug people alot...sorry if I annoy you guys with the hugs...)
If I keep on sleeping at this hour I would end up looking like an old hag. I would get wrinkles even before I reach 30! Alright, calm down nabila you're being paranoid. *sigh* Alright, I love you world and I love you life! It is wednesday 5.36 am in the damn morning, and I am suppose to be optimistic (atleast Id try). MORNING WORLD!!! hugs and kisses to all of you (well, I do like to hug people alot...sorry if I annoy you guys with the hugs...)
Sunday, July 12, 2009
out of the norm
A person who is suffering from insomnia and bipolar writing in front of her laptop can be (in my own opinion) ghastly,peculiar, strange or in a more positive manner I would say it "unique". I am not sure why, but, staying at home watching my sisters,my parents and I, I can't help but to realize that my sisters and I are different. Yes, the three of us have our own opinion and we sometimes bicker non-stop,but, we are..I'd say VERY different from the society (well, at least, from what I know...I think this is true or I might be delusional). Where am I getting to from writing about my family? Hmph, I do not know, lets see how long I would type this time ,I would let the mind and hand do all the bragging.
*sigh* This is why I am writing, I was flipping the channels in astro and out of I dont know...20-30 or more channels, I can't find a decent program to watch. Sleeping, would be somewhat a task, well, not when I gorge down my bestfriend S-Q,I'd sleep for hours and have weird dreams or maybe nightmares (ones that would make me talk while I sleep and for others it would be more of an eerie experience).
In front of me, would be ofcourse my white laptop,but, the thing infront of my laptop would be a fan blowing through my face. Wind and breeze is another weird fact about me that I like. There would be a slight feeling of joy and freedom whenever my friends drive and the wind blows through my face...dont ask me why...I just love it. Alot of people have their own weird side, I just show it more, maybe , most of you just like to keep it to yourselves. Oh well, I think I better stop bragging now. Thank you blog for letting me have this opportunity to talk crap all these while, you never ran away even if what I say never made any sense or hurtful. Alright..goodmorning...good afternoon ...good evening.... and good night
*sigh* This is why I am writing, I was flipping the channels in astro and out of I dont know...20-30 or more channels, I can't find a decent program to watch. Sleeping, would be somewhat a task, well, not when I gorge down my bestfriend S-Q,I'd sleep for hours and have weird dreams or maybe nightmares (ones that would make me talk while I sleep and for others it would be more of an eerie experience).
In front of me, would be ofcourse my white laptop,but, the thing infront of my laptop would be a fan blowing through my face. Wind and breeze is another weird fact about me that I like. There would be a slight feeling of joy and freedom whenever my friends drive and the wind blows through my face...dont ask me why...I just love it. Alot of people have their own weird side, I just show it more, maybe , most of you just like to keep it to yourselves. Oh well, I think I better stop bragging now. Thank you blog for letting me have this opportunity to talk crap all these while, you never ran away even if what I say never made any sense or hurtful. Alright..goodmorning...good afternoon ...good evening.... and good night
Friday, July 10, 2009
shivered cold soul
As I walked through the moonlight street,
I shivered, cold sweats pouring down,
they who I see, beautiful and together,
i stood with the empty boxes,
huffing and puffing as I was tired,
seeing them made me reminisce,
could it be that it was reality,
dreams do not have prove,
it would not stain or bruise,
but,the stain nor the bruise hurts any longer,,
immune to the pain,
I am ready to go back to the streets,
where all kinds of people meet,
lights glimmering with music and noise combined,
overwhelmed and afraid,
I created a brick wall in front of me,
but,it is not strong enough,
as I need to build something stronger.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
the ungrateful complaints
Things have not been as good, yes, I have been going out,but, with people I am not that close too, it feels different. I miss hanging out with my usual friends. Havent been sleeping properly and my parents have been giving me limited curfews lately. I have been jogging,but, I still have not lost any weight, I have been the same since the past 2 months. Yes, I sound like I am complaining, but, its so frustrating to exercise and not have any satisfying result. My goal is to atleast do proper chinups, but, I still can't do it. alright i am doing my complain list. I better warn you if you don't like complaints, please don't read this alright.So, here goes :
1. I think I am loosing my close friends , I don't know why,maybe its just a feeling,maybe I am being paranoid,but, I hope its not true...
2. I am tired of fighting for my freedom. Yes, I know they care for me....it would be endless to bicker with them, because I have my opinion and they have their own.
3. I dont know where my goal of being fit is heading. Exercising everyday, yes, maybe it hasn't been enough. I need to go jog more rounds and not walk.....about the chin ups, maybe I just need to do other stuff...
4. I am not sure if I want a boyfriend,but, I somehow feel like having someone who understands me and someone(a guy) who I can talk to properly with me. I don't think I have seen the right person yet. I guess I am just being too picky. The guys I like don't even like me back,so, whats the point there. Guys are good to be friends with...I just like being friends with them, thats it I guess.
5. My sleeping habit is a goner. I can't seem to have the right timing to sleep, it would always be really late.
6. I want to do so many things, but, I have done nothing. I want to travel,sky dive,scuba dive,help orphans,do charity work...but, NOTHING,NOTHING has been done AT ALL.
7. driving license?...I don't think I know what that is anymore.
8. What about my latest hobby addiction...climbing....hmph...if I can't do chin ups...whats the point of climbing?...I can't even boulder properly....I traverse 30 holds and my hands get pumped. Not to mention dyno...I can't dyno for nuts! The new shoes hurt like hell and its making my feet sore,but, hey, thats how its suppose to be.
9. I found out that I have no talent what so ever. I thought I could at least play music by ear...haha...right! very wrong.I can only play my right hand well....
10. About my studies...God! I am just doing this to get a degree...I dont think I have the flare and I am just too plain lazy! What am I kidding...graphic design?....I do all my work last minute all the time...
11. I am tired of being the person who is laughed at not laughed with...I am always teased....but when I tease the person back...the person would get hurt...why?....
I made a conclusion....I think I am failure.....I can't keep friends right...I can't have good results.....no talent....and I have ALOT of crushes and NONE of them have come to me and ask me out....well, atleast not for a date....
1. I think I am loosing my close friends , I don't know why,maybe its just a feeling,maybe I am being paranoid,but, I hope its not true...
2. I am tired of fighting for my freedom. Yes, I know they care for me....it would be endless to bicker with them, because I have my opinion and they have their own.
3. I dont know where my goal of being fit is heading. Exercising everyday, yes, maybe it hasn't been enough. I need to go jog more rounds and not walk.....about the chin ups, maybe I just need to do other stuff...
4. I am not sure if I want a boyfriend,but, I somehow feel like having someone who understands me and someone(a guy) who I can talk to properly with me. I don't think I have seen the right person yet. I guess I am just being too picky. The guys I like don't even like me back,so, whats the point there. Guys are good to be friends with...I just like being friends with them, thats it I guess.
5. My sleeping habit is a goner. I can't seem to have the right timing to sleep, it would always be really late.
6. I want to do so many things, but, I have done nothing. I want to travel,sky dive,scuba dive,help orphans,do charity work...but, NOTHING,NOTHING has been done AT ALL.
7. driving license?...I don't think I know what that is anymore.
8. What about my latest hobby addiction...climbing....hmph...if I can't do chin ups...whats the point of climbing?...I can't even boulder properly....I traverse 30 holds and my hands get pumped. Not to mention dyno...I can't dyno for nuts! The new shoes hurt like hell and its making my feet sore,but, hey, thats how its suppose to be.
9. I found out that I have no talent what so ever. I thought I could at least play music by ear...haha...right! very wrong.I can only play my right hand well....
10. About my studies...God! I am just doing this to get a degree...I dont think I have the flare and I am just too plain lazy! What am I kidding...graphic design?....I do all my work last minute all the time...
11. I am tired of being the person who is laughed at not laughed with...I am always teased....but when I tease the person back...the person would get hurt...why?....
I made a conclusion....I think I am failure.....I can't keep friends right...I can't have good results.....no talent....and I have ALOT of crushes and NONE of them have come to me and ask me out....well, atleast not for a date....
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
second week
This is the second week of my holiday,yes, I have been going out, yes, it has been an alright 2 weeks. I have not been working, its a friggin one month holiday, therefore, I can't work. I want the money for all the adrenaline activities,but, I guess, I'd have to wait for awhile. Saw the crush just now at ss2 with his SK friends...or probably that was his twin, hmph...his hair was quite long...I think that was his twin! oh well, I wanted to see his face all this while and I got it! thank you god! hahahaha...damn! I am saaad! oh well, everybody has its flaws and I know I have thousands of flaws. I think if I am a house,i'd be one of those rotten home with plenty of holes and very messy,maybe stinky too.
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