My 4 years of college has led me into disastrous mishaps and at the same time pleasure happiness (quite a journey). Towards the end, it is more of the mishaps than the whimsical feeling of joy. Personally, I have always hated change, it makes me rethink about the plans that I have made for myself. No matter how much time you plan your future or life you may not know how the weather may turn out to be.
Writing this post gave me flashes of harsh memories that I would love to discard. I wish that I would be able to erase certain parts of memories that exist in my head. Exactly like the movie "eternal sunshine" or perhaps the memory charm "obliviate" in "harry potter". Some of my friends told me that I would become a stronger person by swallowing bits and pieces of the harsh reality.
The other side of me is just afraid that I would only become crazier and not stronger. Of course, I have my ways of keeping harsh details away. At certain points, everybody does and will. I would be graduating in 4 days, and I still do not feel the enthusiasm nor the excitement. I just pretend that I am happy that I am graduating,but, I feel closed and trapped.
Although, some may think that I am weak, but, I rather think I am the other way around. I surprise myself sometimes with my own attitude. I am capable of doing a lot of things,but, I tend to have doubts on myself. Self believe can be as low to the amount of zero when it comes to me. I have to learn to believe in myself, when I know how to, I'd be able to pursue any dream that I desire.
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