Well, Hello there! I see you're still alive and with outdated post. I haven't any motivation to write anything these past few weeks or months as I have been pretty caught up with my double life and my double personalities. Quite ironic how I am getting comfortable with two lives at the moment. To be honest, I am quite proud that I am able to commit to two jobs.
I can assure you that it has not been easy (at all!). I try not to complain that much as I am afraid my parents would tell me that I should stop working in starbucks and concentrate on the current intern (which they have about a million times), but, I want to work two jobs and I know that it would benefit me in some other way somehow. I am planning to quit starbucks as I have found a better and less evil coffee shop to work in.
I have spent less time with my family and friends as time doesn't permit me to do so. I just hope they would understand that I have wasted my time during the education days so much that I feel that I need to re-explore everything and learn everything back so that I wouldn't fall into the dumps and without a stable lifestyle. I can assure you that once I am stable, I would see everyone again as much as possible.
At the moment, I just want everyone's support and hope that I wouldn't be lazy anymore. Also, I would need prayers that what I am doing would benefit me and would end up making my life a success.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Thursday, December 22, 2011
late appreciation
Is it too late to appreciate you now? Everything was in the clouds, but, only recently that it hit me that I may like you. Why now? I don't know.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
my dearest family and friends
To my dearest family and friends, (assuming they would read this, which I doubt they will,but, that is me, I like taking chances like these :) )
I wish to apologize to my family and friends for my absent mindedness. I have been very self absorbed with my probability of having a job and figuring out what to do and what fits me in a daily basis that I did not appreciate the attendance of everyone else that was around me.
Well, I tried my best talking and having a decent conversation with the people I meet,but, I ended up making the whole table feeling awkward with my presence. Which would lead to the reason why I sometimes try to avoid people as I wish not to make the environment bitter.
At this moment and time, I would somehow not attend some of the invitations that I have received temporarily, only because I think I need some attitude adjustment and stop being too self absorbed and start being grateful of all the things around me for ones. Please try to understand that I am not shutting people out from my life, I just need to figure what I would want to do and how I would go on to pursue my ambitions. In other words, figuring out what I can be good at. I am learning to separate my wants and needs also trying to accept me for who I am and what I am.
I wish to apologize to my family and friends for my absent mindedness. I have been very self absorbed with my probability of having a job and figuring out what to do and what fits me in a daily basis that I did not appreciate the attendance of everyone else that was around me.
Well, I tried my best talking and having a decent conversation with the people I meet,but, I ended up making the whole table feeling awkward with my presence. Which would lead to the reason why I sometimes try to avoid people as I wish not to make the environment bitter.
At this moment and time, I would somehow not attend some of the invitations that I have received temporarily, only because I think I need some attitude adjustment and stop being too self absorbed and start being grateful of all the things around me for ones. Please try to understand that I am not shutting people out from my life, I just need to figure what I would want to do and how I would go on to pursue my ambitions. In other words, figuring out what I can be good at. I am learning to separate my wants and needs also trying to accept me for who I am and what I am.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
jobish
Hey hey! Since I don't have a job so, I am spacing out so that I don't feel like I am useless in other words a piece of shit. Feeling out my head with dreams relentlessly would also be useless but, I think I would try to do some actual useful stuff. I should do something with the piece of certificate. There's about thousands of jobs out there and I am still stuck contemplating on what to do?
I think I have detached myself from the internet or the computer too much as I was busy fulfilling my addiction to coffee while learning about them. This might sound superficial, but, I think perhaps I might spend my time more on the internet more than I think.
I think I have detached myself from the internet or the computer too much as I was busy fulfilling my addiction to coffee while learning about them. This might sound superficial, but, I think perhaps I might spend my time more on the internet more than I think.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
jibber jabber
my last post would be on the 15th. I really didn't bother to switch on my computer or laptop and clicking while typing away since. I did have an attempt, but, the attempt would all churn away by a handful of distractions. So, what has been up? or in this case, what has been down? Well, first of all, I have sent my resignation letter towards the coffee shop, and there goes my 30 percent privilege which isn't as important. My parents are on a trip over the sea and across a few lands to Italy and Sarajevo and I haven't any job.
I shall say that it would be hard for me to type away and regather all my thoughts as it has been quite a full blown of emotional blast of all the emotions combined. Apart from my parents surprisingly showing me the will before they left, I could feel the tension of my whole family. I remember that I wanted so much to be an adult when I was in school, but, now, I'd rather be in school. I'd rather get tormented by prefects and at the same time getting lectures by teachers. Which I think, to be fair, is not all sunshine, rainbows and butterflies.
Did I mention too that I am seeing a new shrink? no? well, I am. He is young, so, I hope that he would understand me more than the two other women that helped me a notch. So far, I am restricting myself from staying in my room and being a blob sleeping in my ridiculously high framed bed. Hyping myself up to go out without even having any form of engagements nor events. Which to say is a success because as the shrink would tell me that he thinks "I am doing a good job" that surprises me, by that, he means that I am going out relentlessly regardless of being emotionally inapt and at the same time finding an invisible job that comes from the air. I think that is enough blabbing for the whole day or perhaps week probably month. I shall continue when I feel like continuing, as for now, I shall go to sleep and have whatever my mind would think it shall give me, which is to say a dream or a nightmare or both combined.
I shall say that it would be hard for me to type away and regather all my thoughts as it has been quite a full blown of emotional blast of all the emotions combined. Apart from my parents surprisingly showing me the will before they left, I could feel the tension of my whole family. I remember that I wanted so much to be an adult when I was in school, but, now, I'd rather be in school. I'd rather get tormented by prefects and at the same time getting lectures by teachers. Which I think, to be fair, is not all sunshine, rainbows and butterflies.
Did I mention too that I am seeing a new shrink? no? well, I am. He is young, so, I hope that he would understand me more than the two other women that helped me a notch. So far, I am restricting myself from staying in my room and being a blob sleeping in my ridiculously high framed bed. Hyping myself up to go out without even having any form of engagements nor events. Which to say is a success because as the shrink would tell me that he thinks "I am doing a good job" that surprises me, by that, he means that I am going out relentlessly regardless of being emotionally inapt and at the same time finding an invisible job that comes from the air. I think that is enough blabbing for the whole day or perhaps week probably month. I shall continue when I feel like continuing, as for now, I shall go to sleep and have whatever my mind would think it shall give me, which is to say a dream or a nightmare or both combined.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
more sappy stories
Hey there bloggiee...somehow, I haven't been blogging for
quite awhile now...blogging through my bb because I feel abit too
tired to switch my laptop on. A lot of things has and have happened,
I am resigning from the coffee shop as it brings out too much
politics for a part-time job and plus, I just wanted to work to feel the
God knows what void that I have been feeling.
I think too much and have beaten myself up too much.I practically beat
myself up in everything that I do which is totally uncool and unhealthy. I
really find it hard to give myself a pat on the back if I have done something
that is good. I somehow force myself to work so that I wouldn't stay idle and
force myself to go out with friends so that I don't just feel lazy at home.
I am a graduate,but, I don't feel like I am one. Infact, I feel the opposite.
Gosh I sound like an ungrateful bitch,but, its true.
quite awhile now...blogging through my bb because I feel abit too
tired to switch my laptop on. A lot of things has and have happened,
I am resigning from the coffee shop as it brings out too much
politics for a part-time job and plus, I just wanted to work to feel the
God knows what void that I have been feeling.
I think too much and have beaten myself up too much.I practically beat
myself up in everything that I do which is totally uncool and unhealthy. I
really find it hard to give myself a pat on the back if I have done something
that is good. I somehow force myself to work so that I wouldn't stay idle and
force myself to go out with friends so that I don't just feel lazy at home.
I am a graduate,but, I don't feel like I am one. Infact, I feel the opposite.
Gosh I sound like an ungrateful bitch,but, its true.
more sappy stories
Hey there bloggiee...somehow, I haven't been blogging for
quite awhile now...blogging through my bb because I feel abit too
tired to switch my laptop on. A lot of things has and have happened,
I am resigning from the coffee shop as it brings out too much
politics for a part-time job and plus, I just wanted to work to feel the
God knows what void that I have been feeling.
I think too much and have beaten myself up too much.I practically beat
myself up in everything that I do which is totally uncool and unhealthy. I
really find it hard to give myself a pat on the back if I have done something
that is good. I somehow force myself to work so that I wouldn't stay idle and
force myself to go out with friends so that I don't just feel lazy at home.
I am a graduate,but, I don't feel like I am one. Infact, I feel the opposite.
Gosh I sound like an ungrateful bitch,but, its true.
quite awhile now...blogging through my bb because I feel abit too
tired to switch my laptop on. A lot of things has and have happened,
I am resigning from the coffee shop as it brings out too much
politics for a part-time job and plus, I just wanted to work to feel the
God knows what void that I have been feeling.
I think too much and have beaten myself up too much.I practically beat
myself up in everything that I do which is totally uncool and unhealthy. I
really find it hard to give myself a pat on the back if I have done something
that is good. I somehow force myself to work so that I wouldn't stay idle and
force myself to go out with friends so that I don't just feel lazy at home.
I am a graduate,but, I don't feel like I am one. Infact, I feel the opposite.
Gosh I sound like an ungrateful bitch,but, its true.
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