Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Saturday, April 16, 2011
my vacation with friends
I am truly lost at this point. Although I went for a vacation for three days and two nights with my friends. I still feel a bit lost. I did like the vacation, loved the beach, the company and also the adventure. I had motion sickness while I was in the boat, at first I thought it was because I was tired, but, it was the same through out most of the boat rides. I didn't want to gross anyone out with puking so I had to make my brain,ear and body stable. It got to a point where I could still feel the boat shaking when I was on the bed trying to sleep. It was our first trip together and I hope it is not the last.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
hoping to forget
Somehow, it is hard to forget major things that happened in your life. Especially when you want to talk to someone about it and hope that at least one person would understand,but, I know that as long as the person hasn't gone through it, they wouldn't know what it feels or how it was.
Some days, you feel like sharing, but, when you want to pour it out, you would eventually hold back because there would never be a right timing for it. Even if you do tell them, you would know what they would say, because no one would know how to react to it. The reason is simple, because they haven't been there. It is fairly inappropriate for them too, that must be understood.
Which makes you feel so alone as you have no choice but to keep it in you. Telling yourself to be strong, day by day, week by week and living life, making it interesting so that you would feel good about yourself again.
Knowing that it was the past, you try harder to forget, by keeping yourself busy with hobbies. Hoping that it would be discarded,but, eventually it would never be gone, at least not permanently though. Even if you've told people, just for the sake of making your life at ease, you can't help but to feel judged after that.
Some days, you feel like sharing, but, when you want to pour it out, you would eventually hold back because there would never be a right timing for it. Even if you do tell them, you would know what they would say, because no one would know how to react to it. The reason is simple, because they haven't been there. It is fairly inappropriate for them too, that must be understood.
Which makes you feel so alone as you have no choice but to keep it in you. Telling yourself to be strong, day by day, week by week and living life, making it interesting so that you would feel good about yourself again.
Knowing that it was the past, you try harder to forget, by keeping yourself busy with hobbies. Hoping that it would be discarded,but, eventually it would never be gone, at least not permanently though. Even if you've told people, just for the sake of making your life at ease, you can't help but to feel judged after that.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
what if i am a boy
This is strange and stupid of me,but, I was walking around the house and ignoring the furnitures in the house, because it doesn't fascinate me that much anymore as I have seen it practically everyday. Unless if I go to one of the drawers and take things out from it and find something that is interesting or something that would make me reminisce, but, that would just make a mess out of the place and I would have to put everything back and I am in no mood for that as I am always being a sloth.
Anyway, when I was walking around the house, I wondered, what would happen if I am a boy. Not that it is possible or that I wanted so much to be one. I just wondered, I like to wonder daft things like that sometimes, than when someone asked me anything. I would just go numb and say slow things like "huh" "what" or repeat the wrong things, that annoys people a lot sometimes, I can tell, but, it annoys me too because they would just give up and I would wonder what they said before.
Right now, me being myself as a girl, my love life has become nonchalant. I am not sure if any guy at all likes me, before, when I was in high school, at least there were signs of guys who liked me and it was pretty obvious too, but, now, I just don't know anything, like no one I know gave any signs or whatsoever. So, if I am a boy, would I have a girlfriend by now? Would I treat girls nicely? Would I have curfews like I have right now? Which school would I go to? An old boys school or a co-ad school? Would I get bullied or be the bullier? Would I be a nerd, a geek, or a cool guy that hangs around with cool crowds? Would I be alright with two elder sisters? The questions would go on without any stop. Of course, the questions would not go anywhere because it will never exist.
These things are pointless and a waste of my small brain space. I don't know why I typed it all out. I guess I just wanted to share and figured my mind would be off it somehow and maybe, the days of thinking brainlessly at night before I go to sleep would go today.
Anyway, when I was walking around the house, I wondered, what would happen if I am a boy. Not that it is possible or that I wanted so much to be one. I just wondered, I like to wonder daft things like that sometimes, than when someone asked me anything. I would just go numb and say slow things like "huh" "what" or repeat the wrong things, that annoys people a lot sometimes, I can tell, but, it annoys me too because they would just give up and I would wonder what they said before.
Right now, me being myself as a girl, my love life has become nonchalant. I am not sure if any guy at all likes me, before, when I was in high school, at least there were signs of guys who liked me and it was pretty obvious too, but, now, I just don't know anything, like no one I know gave any signs or whatsoever. So, if I am a boy, would I have a girlfriend by now? Would I treat girls nicely? Would I have curfews like I have right now? Which school would I go to? An old boys school or a co-ad school? Would I get bullied or be the bullier? Would I be a nerd, a geek, or a cool guy that hangs around with cool crowds? Would I be alright with two elder sisters? The questions would go on without any stop. Of course, the questions would not go anywhere because it will never exist.
These things are pointless and a waste of my small brain space. I don't know why I typed it all out. I guess I just wanted to share and figured my mind would be off it somehow and maybe, the days of thinking brainlessly at night before I go to sleep would go today.
Monday, March 7, 2011
some of the company profile
the index page of what i did for the company profile...these pages are not approved yet..so,feel free to state anything that you think if you feel like it...
the wedding page
the wedding page
Friday, March 4, 2011
venting out needed
At the moment I feel as though I need to talk to someone to vent everything out. I would usually let things out to my best friend, but, he is nowhere near me as he decided to fly off to the land below to study. I have so many things going on around me that it is over stimulating my brain. I just feel like everything that I have believed in and everything that I have hold on to is pointless in away.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
what i really am
Truth is, I want to do what I want to and I do what I do just because I think it is cool.I know I am not. I am easily psyched and fascinated which is why I want to do things in an instant, I can also get bored easily. Hence, the reason why I need to feed the bored adrenaline, so that it can tell me to get up and not go down under to dull and depressed brain land.
I sometimes over estimate my abilities but, most of the time I would under estimate and surprise myself. I can't predict myself, so, I doubt that anyone can predict me. When I am psyched, I would usually be really hyper and I won't stop moving, but, it can be switched when someone would say things that would upset me and it would usually ruin my entire day.
I like doing random things alone, just to make myself happy. I sometimes walk alone because I see everything differently when I am alone.I can't stay at home because staying at home too long would make me feel unproductive and that saddens me sometimes.
Whenever people think that I am blur, I get annoyed with myself, because that would usually mean that they think that my brain is filled with air. What they don't know is, it is actually the opposite, my brain has too many things to think that I have to sometimes take the real world out. I don't have any major problems and when people think, they don't usually think about their problems only. I would usually think about everything and anything from useful things, to useless things.
I sometimes over estimate my abilities but, most of the time I would under estimate and surprise myself. I can't predict myself, so, I doubt that anyone can predict me. When I am psyched, I would usually be really hyper and I won't stop moving, but, it can be switched when someone would say things that would upset me and it would usually ruin my entire day.
I like doing random things alone, just to make myself happy. I sometimes walk alone because I see everything differently when I am alone.I can't stay at home because staying at home too long would make me feel unproductive and that saddens me sometimes.
Whenever people think that I am blur, I get annoyed with myself, because that would usually mean that they think that my brain is filled with air. What they don't know is, it is actually the opposite, my brain has too many things to think that I have to sometimes take the real world out. I don't have any major problems and when people think, they don't usually think about their problems only. I would usually think about everything and anything from useful things, to useless things.
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