Let me tell you about my experience with love and how I perceive it. Love, as you might see is a wonderful caring and thoughtful feeling. Act of kindness, giving, a strong bond between you, your mother, father, sisters,son, daughter, brothers, wife, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend whoever you might have a strong affection or compassion on. It is what makes you do crazy and unthinkable things for a person...sometimes to the extant of dying for the person in order to protect him/her.
Love isn't any feeling, it is all the emotions and feelings combined together. No matter how you prepare your heart, with love, you can collapse in any moment. Like me, love, is somehow, bipolar. It is what makes you feel warm, protective, gentle, generous, kind, float and mostly everything that is pleasant that you can ever think of.
At the same time, love can also be bitter, sour, cold, cruel, blind and everything that is unkind. When this happens, your heart would just drop and your soul would be hanging upside down and no one has ever told you or warn you about these feelings in love. This would also make your heart and your brain detached from one another and therefore, would eventually make you confused, angry, sad, betrayed etc. These feelings would go with anyone you care for, no matter who it is.
We have a brain to think on what is wrong or right, but, what is so brilliant and at the same time dangerous about love is. It makes you do things beyond the regular. When you loose a child for instance, you would carry on searching for the child and trade your life if your child is in danger. I admire the gift of God in this emotion and feeling.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
pass license yeay
Hey Hey!!! I am happy to say that I have gotten my car license after failing on the road ones. I got lucky this time thanks to the awesome JPJ tester :D
Now, I am spiritually motivated to find me a more stable job. Although, I think I have to stay at home more to spend time cleaning up the space in the room so that it wouldn't effect my work that much.
Like I said before, everything, would take a bit of time, bad or good it would eventually fall in its place :D I don't think the environment in starbucks is all that bad or all that good either. I am sure you are confused by now, but, sadly, that's a fact.
I am in my mid-year now, therefore, I have to strive more too, to achieve the goals that I have in my head...no one would actually understand why I work part time in starbucks when I have a degree...but, I think it is enough for me myself to understand. Incubus would be this Saturdaay!!! I CAN'T FRIGGIN WAIT!
This whole post would not have anything related to one another...I would just write whatever it is in my scattered brain...eh like my room...my room is all scattered with junk and stuff...I have low confidence like nobodies business...I am clueless as on how to regain the confidence...I need to tell myself that I have achieved alot...which I think it is...but, it is not proven in black or white...haish
Now, I am spiritually motivated to find me a more stable job. Although, I think I have to stay at home more to spend time cleaning up the space in the room so that it wouldn't effect my work that much.
Like I said before, everything, would take a bit of time, bad or good it would eventually fall in its place :D I don't think the environment in starbucks is all that bad or all that good either. I am sure you are confused by now, but, sadly, that's a fact.
I am in my mid-year now, therefore, I have to strive more too, to achieve the goals that I have in my head...no one would actually understand why I work part time in starbucks when I have a degree...but, I think it is enough for me myself to understand. Incubus would be this Saturdaay!!! I CAN'T FRIGGIN WAIT!
This whole post would not have anything related to one another...I would just write whatever it is in my scattered brain...eh like my room...my room is all scattered with junk and stuff...I have low confidence like nobodies business...I am clueless as on how to regain the confidence...I need to tell myself that I have achieved alot...which I think it is...but, it is not proven in black or white...haish
Friday, July 8, 2011
car license update
The following update would be...me getting my
driver's license. I know I have been talking about it
in ages,but, this is my final driving exam. I have
a complete mixed feelings of being excited and being
as nervous as a mad cow.
Tomorrow would be my last day of class. I hope I
would use my two hours of class in full use.
I really don't want to fail this class as I need the
license. I already feel the guilt of my friends
picking and sending me back whenever we hang.
Me driving would be a huge change for once...and
whenever there's a roadtrip I'd be willing to drive ;)
driver's license. I know I have been talking about it
in ages,but, this is my final driving exam. I have
a complete mixed feelings of being excited and being
as nervous as a mad cow.
Tomorrow would be my last day of class. I hope I
would use my two hours of class in full use.
I really don't want to fail this class as I need the
license. I already feel the guilt of my friends
picking and sending me back whenever we hang.
Me driving would be a huge change for once...and
whenever there's a roadtrip I'd be willing to drive ;)
Thursday, July 7, 2011
the updates of the lasts
I have been quite absent with my blog and sharing my thoughts in here.
Perhaps, I should write and save my friends
the space of the sound of my annoying voice.
Ultimately, I have been trying to make ends meat, but, it is quite a process.
My sisters and parents are getting
quite impatient with myself because I haven't
tried to give my resume to any soul.
I am not quite sure why and what I am afraid of to
be frank. If I do get a decent
job than all my expenses shall be paid off,
ofcourse it is not guaranteed.
I have gotten myself a bb and haven't touched my laptop ever since.
Poor Ben (that is the name that I personally gave to my laptop...
it is sad..but, even sad to know
that it is true). I guess that is it at the moment, I haven't
any agenda's or whatsoever. I am just constantly thinking of ways for me
to not be lazy and be successful and earn as much as possible,but,
I am waaaaaaaay too far behind. I just hope that I wouldn't get out of
breathe chasing and give up before the finish line...if so, I would definitely
be furious and devistated with myself and there goes my confidence.
marriage would be the last and utmost latest result for me.
Perhaps, I should write and save my friends
the space of the sound of my annoying voice.
Ultimately, I have been trying to make ends meat, but, it is quite a process.
My sisters and parents are getting
quite impatient with myself because I haven't
tried to give my resume to any soul.
I am not quite sure why and what I am afraid of to
be frank. If I do get a decent
job than all my expenses shall be paid off,
ofcourse it is not guaranteed.
I have gotten myself a bb and haven't touched my laptop ever since.
Poor Ben (that is the name that I personally gave to my laptop...
it is sad..but, even sad to know
that it is true). I guess that is it at the moment, I haven't
any agenda's or whatsoever. I am just constantly thinking of ways for me
to not be lazy and be successful and earn as much as possible,but,
I am waaaaaaaay too far behind. I just hope that I wouldn't get out of
breathe chasing and give up before the finish line...if so, I would definitely
be furious and devistated with myself and there goes my confidence.
marriage would be the last and utmost latest result for me.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Saturday, June 18, 2011
massive
This isn't working...I need to make the next massive move....test the waters again and just dive in...I don't care if I need to restart and I don't care if my parents or family approve or disapprove my next decision...if I fail...than, I would have to pick myself up again and go on...this whole thing about beating myself up has gotta stop.
I have to be firm and stop being afraid to be firm. The fear of being firm is the reason why I am beating myself up all the time. I really need to learn how to stop pleasing the goddamn world and just say whatever it is in my head. There isn't only one colour in this world and not every colour would match, therefore, if it doesn't match, it doesn't mean it is wrong, it just means that I need to find the right colour all over again...even if it means picking through every single code.
I have to be firm and stop being afraid to be firm. The fear of being firm is the reason why I am beating myself up all the time. I really need to learn how to stop pleasing the goddamn world and just say whatever it is in my head. There isn't only one colour in this world and not every colour would match, therefore, if it doesn't match, it doesn't mean it is wrong, it just means that I need to find the right colour all over again...even if it means picking through every single code.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
not to - old maid
I was hanging out with my friends and they asked me how many exes that I had...it was funny because I can't really remember how many i had and it is ironic because at this moment and time at the age of 22 with all the exes that I have got before...I have none at the moment...and no one seems to be attracted to this hag...which is bad...because I am not even that old yet and already I have turned into a hag.
This is really a bad habit of mine...I used to have at least one or two guys that I could at least flirt with...but, no guy is interested with me or maybe I am not interested to have any flirtatious go ons. Most of my exes are married or getting married...well, I don't have any intention to marry anyone at the moment. I am still young (or rather think I am young)...I just maybe want a decent likable interest of chemistry with a special someone...a significant other perhaps might be the option.
Though, I have to admit that I am not to keen or proud of my past with the exes. Those were terrible days and I would like to bury those moments never to return just to bring the experience with me...not to repeat it again. I guess I would just have to pray to the Almighty that I would have a decent guy who would love the twisted me the way that I am and not to be a cranky old maid with 100 cats and dogs in the house.
This is really a bad habit of mine...I used to have at least one or two guys that I could at least flirt with...but, no guy is interested with me or maybe I am not interested to have any flirtatious go ons. Most of my exes are married or getting married...well, I don't have any intention to marry anyone at the moment. I am still young (or rather think I am young)...I just maybe want a decent likable interest of chemistry with a special someone...a significant other perhaps might be the option.
Though, I have to admit that I am not to keen or proud of my past with the exes. Those were terrible days and I would like to bury those moments never to return just to bring the experience with me...not to repeat it again. I guess I would just have to pray to the Almighty that I would have a decent guy who would love the twisted me the way that I am and not to be a cranky old maid with 100 cats and dogs in the house.
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