my dearest family and friends

To my dearest family and friends, (assuming they would read this, which I doubt they will,but, that is me, I like taking chances like these :) )

I wish to apologize to my family and friends for my absent mindedness. I have been very self absorbed with my probability of having a job and figuring out what to do and what fits me in a daily basis that I did not appreciate the attendance of everyone else that was around me.

Well, I tried my best talking and having a decent conversation with the people I meet,but, I ended up making the whole table feeling awkward with my presence. Which would lead to the reason why I sometimes try to avoid people as I wish not to make the environment bitter.

At this moment and time, I would somehow not attend some of the invitations that I have received temporarily, only because I think I need some attitude adjustment and stop being too self absorbed and start being grateful of all the things around me for ones. Please try to understand that I am not shutting people out from my life, I just need to figure what I would want to do and how I would go on to pursue my ambitions. In other words, figuring out what I can be good at. I am learning to separate my wants and needs also trying to accept me for who I am and what I am.

jobish

Hey hey! Since I don't have a job so, I am spacing out so that I don't feel like I am useless in other words a piece of shit. Feeling out my head with dreams relentlessly would also be useless but, I think I would try to do some actual useful stuff. I should do something with the piece of certificate. There's about thousands of jobs out there and I am still stuck contemplating on what to do?

I think I have detached myself from the internet or the computer too much as I was busy fulfilling my addiction to coffee while learning about them. This might sound superficial, but, I think perhaps I might spend my time more on the internet more than I think.

jibber jabber

my last post would be on the 15th. I really didn't bother to switch on my computer or laptop and clicking while typing away since. I did have an attempt, but, the attempt would all churn away by a handful of distractions. So, what has been up? or in this case, what has been down? Well, first of all, I have sent my resignation letter towards the coffee shop, and there goes my 30 percent privilege which isn't as important. My parents are on a trip over the sea and across a few lands to Italy and Sarajevo and I haven't any job.

I shall say that it would be hard for me to type away and regather all my thoughts as it has been quite a full blown of emotional blast of all the emotions combined. Apart from my parents surprisingly showing me the will before they left, I could feel the tension of my whole family. I remember that I wanted so much to be an adult when I was in school, but, now, I'd rather be in school. I'd rather get tormented by prefects and at the same time getting lectures by teachers. Which I think, to be fair, is not all sunshine, rainbows and butterflies.

Did I mention too that I am seeing a new shrink? no? well, I am. He is young, so, I hope that he would understand me more than the two other women that helped me a notch. So far, I am restricting myself from staying in my room and being a blob sleeping in my ridiculously high framed bed. Hyping myself up to go out without even having any form of engagements nor events. Which to say is a success because as the shrink would tell me that he thinks "I am doing a good job" that surprises me, by that, he means that I am going out relentlessly regardless of being emotionally inapt and at the same time finding an invisible job that comes from the air. I think that is enough blabbing for the whole day or perhaps week probably month. I shall continue when I feel like continuing, as for now, I shall go to sleep and have whatever my mind would think it shall give me, which is to say a dream or a nightmare or both combined.