Thursday, June 23, 2011
Saturday, June 18, 2011
massive
This isn't working...I need to make the next massive move....test the waters again and just dive in...I don't care if I need to restart and I don't care if my parents or family approve or disapprove my next decision...if I fail...than, I would have to pick myself up again and go on...this whole thing about beating myself up has gotta stop.
I have to be firm and stop being afraid to be firm. The fear of being firm is the reason why I am beating myself up all the time. I really need to learn how to stop pleasing the goddamn world and just say whatever it is in my head. There isn't only one colour in this world and not every colour would match, therefore, if it doesn't match, it doesn't mean it is wrong, it just means that I need to find the right colour all over again...even if it means picking through every single code.
I have to be firm and stop being afraid to be firm. The fear of being firm is the reason why I am beating myself up all the time. I really need to learn how to stop pleasing the goddamn world and just say whatever it is in my head. There isn't only one colour in this world and not every colour would match, therefore, if it doesn't match, it doesn't mean it is wrong, it just means that I need to find the right colour all over again...even if it means picking through every single code.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
not to - old maid
I was hanging out with my friends and they asked me how many exes that I had...it was funny because I can't really remember how many i had and it is ironic because at this moment and time at the age of 22 with all the exes that I have got before...I have none at the moment...and no one seems to be attracted to this hag...which is bad...because I am not even that old yet and already I have turned into a hag.
This is really a bad habit of mine...I used to have at least one or two guys that I could at least flirt with...but, no guy is interested with me or maybe I am not interested to have any flirtatious go ons. Most of my exes are married or getting married...well, I don't have any intention to marry anyone at the moment. I am still young (or rather think I am young)...I just maybe want a decent likable interest of chemistry with a special someone...a significant other perhaps might be the option.
Though, I have to admit that I am not to keen or proud of my past with the exes. Those were terrible days and I would like to bury those moments never to return just to bring the experience with me...not to repeat it again. I guess I would just have to pray to the Almighty that I would have a decent guy who would love the twisted me the way that I am and not to be a cranky old maid with 100 cats and dogs in the house.
This is really a bad habit of mine...I used to have at least one or two guys that I could at least flirt with...but, no guy is interested with me or maybe I am not interested to have any flirtatious go ons. Most of my exes are married or getting married...well, I don't have any intention to marry anyone at the moment. I am still young (or rather think I am young)...I just maybe want a decent likable interest of chemistry with a special someone...a significant other perhaps might be the option.
Though, I have to admit that I am not to keen or proud of my past with the exes. Those were terrible days and I would like to bury those moments never to return just to bring the experience with me...not to repeat it again. I guess I would just have to pray to the Almighty that I would have a decent guy who would love the twisted me the way that I am and not to be a cranky old maid with 100 cats and dogs in the house.
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