pretending

Alright, I have to admit, I am excited that I am going off to London, I miss the place...I cant wait to see my grown 5 year old niece!! I heard that she can say alot of words now. I hope she still remembers me though...I hope she wont run away if she sees me. Right now, I am looking at concerts and see if I can go to any...I hope Radiohead would be performing when I am there. It would be damn awesome if I could see them live. I am not sure if we would have money to go shopping though,but, if we do, it'd be great, if not, well, window shopping would be as nice..hehe.. :D

Maybe I need to save my money here, just incase. So, that means, less eating, less going out and less everything and which especially means no more paying for others. My problem is that I don't know how to say No and I don't know how to not be nice. Hopefully the new nabila would come out soon...People step on my head like nobody's business...yeah, i realize it....I have to stop! The thing is I like helping people,but, some just dont appreciate it. I am tired....I am tired of pretentious people...I am tired of pretending in front of the pretentious people...I am tired of acting like everything is A ok when everything is really not.

The truth, I can be and I am a happy person, its the toxic people around me that makes me down. People talk about everyone outside,no questions ask. People bitch all the time, people say bad things all the time, yeah, you'd feel low when you find out,it kills your heart,but, you've to get back on your feet. Thats life. The thing is, if you're cold and you hold a grudge, meaning, being revengeful, that is when you are immature and beyond. Yeah, you'd feel satisfied for awhile, but, for how long? Some knows that karma bites,but why do you still do it anyway?...revenge? I know I seem like I have a lot of problems,but, I think somehow people who have real problems are the ones who keep everything inside.

Its true, I am the one medicated, its true that I am the one who is diagnosed with bipolar, and so, yeah, people see me as the loud,annoying,crazy girl. I know that. Yeah, nobody is perfect and I dont think anybody should try to be perfect. Its the imperfections that make people shine. So, why the heck do people try to be perfect when they are actually bottling things up inside...when the balloon bursts...than you'd hear the loud "pop".